Supressed memories

I've locked myself up inside my own asylum,
I lost the keys and god knows I'm trying to find them,
The doors had closed behind me,
For my condition there is no curing therapy.

I have vivid dreams of astral planes,
Demons that visit me when self destruction rains,
Visions of people who use to be,
Please put me to sleep with my off tune melody,

White walls confining the motionless gesture,
Of a happiness confused with a meaningless texture,
If only my mind could administer sedatives,
Colours of grey and yellow entwined to relate,

To a lonely childhood I could never fully comprehend,
As grown ups hid the truth of their impulsiveness,
I had to survive by learning the art of pretend,
Bottled-up feelings threw me into a chaotic abyss,

The voices I hear, they aren't mine,
They keep telling me things,
Things I started believing over time,
I'm terrified by these fabricated truths,

Lies that turn into weapons of mass destruction,
Believing a father that says he loves you,
Idolized him and loved him more than anything,
But only to be surprised by a sudden rejection,

I want out you hear! Out of here!
I'd rather be out of my mind than being tortured with these suppressed
memories!
Don't analyze me! I don't need to be defined by your theory!,

Its frustration, its a mixed feeling, its fear.