Desperate

Shallow breathing..
Tight chest
Impulsive conclusions...
But possibly accurate?
Fuck
Next to no sleep
Running on fumes
So why am I not tired?
I need a fucking drink
Like now
Bud light...
Yum
Jagermeister
definitely what I want..
Shit
I'm not suppose to drink..
I'm a grown ass woman
I can do what I please
Or maybe it's the pot talking..
With aid from a couple white pills..
Why is my heart pounding?
Wow
I'm pissing myself off
I need to take a breather
And analyze this situation
The only problem?
I'm not exactly sure what's the source..
Is it him?
Or the other him...
Now there's a fucking her to..
Is it ..me?
Even after all the change?
Even after resisting..
What's a good word without actually saying it..?
Ummm eating candy?
Yeah candy
I don't do candy... Anymore
I need my.. Sugar fix..
I miss it everyday
Time will make it easier my ass!
My fucking best friend hates me right now
He has no idea how much I tried to....
I'm so lost
.. Again
Fuckin shit!!!
The new threads
The new apartment
The new city
Is lonely
Have I forgot who I am?
No
No that's not it
I never really knew me to begin with..
Empty..
The pit I fucking bled to crawl out of
Is swallowing me
Forcing me..
kissing me.. Tenderly
Heh
I'm sitting on that porch again
Literally
Staring down the same u-turn coldasack
Hair frizzing in late Texas humidity
Wearing the same damn shorts I did yesterday
Gross I know
I'm such a pig sometimes
Only thing that doesn't make this a picture from two years ago?
There's not a drink in my hand to go with my half gone cigarette
Shame I know
I miss my friends
Not my party friends
Or my internet friends
But the ones who deserted me..
I don't blame them..
Heh I remember playing man hunt in the apartments
Before I relied on substance for fun
Before I replaced love for sex
I guess a bitches only friends are plastic.. Metal
Music
Taking me away..
My ruin.. Temple of the dog.. Type o negative.. The pixies
Make me 12 again
When everything was new
Exciting
Not fucking pitiful
With me whining
Feeling sorry for myself
Fuck this I'm done
Your a total fucking stranger
And now you know more about me than any real physical person in my life
So fuck off
And read a real damn poem
Cause this is bs