Anything but..

This isnt how I wanted it
I wish I'd been beaten,
That I'd bled my life out
On the harsh stone floor
Of a cage
And I was crippled and alone
In a hospital
This is making me crazy
So crazy,
fidgity
It's INSANITY
Everything else
In my pathetic life is
MUNDANE
I NEED it
I DON'T WANT it
I HATE it
I'd do ANYTHING for it.
Why couldn't I have  
Stayed home
Safe in bed
With my mom
I wish I'd broken my back
Severed my spinal cord
Fell out of a plane
Burned in hell  
Froze in the arctic
I wish anything else happened
But it didn't
I did it,
I tried it
Now it's all I do
Everyday
All the time
Meth