Recoil

last night you
pounded into me
from behind
pulled my hair
other arm around
my throat
made me promise
to never leave
to always love you
joke's on you
I have no love
to pledge
for you
don't pretend
you haven't noticed
the emptiness
in my icy blue eyes
you haven't noticed
I open these legs
just enough
to disappear inside myself
I make believe
I am somewhere else
you are someone else
besides the one
I vowed to love
you disguist me
you revolt me
your smell
your touch
makes me recoil
I hate myself
enough to stay
so I stay and
tell you
"I love you"
"I will never leave you"
because I guess
I hate myself
more than
I hate you