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From he Debris, It is Well
When the whisper of the wind
Chose to scream
When everything
Would never be the same
Everything I know
"I don't think we'll make it"
Remnants of the past
Scattered in the ash
With cameras in the sky
My nightmares had come alive
"How do you feel?"
"Did everyone survive?"
I'm suffocating, leave me be
Your cameras cannot catch
All that I've seen
It will never be the same
So I sifted through the ashes
And lifted the trees
To erase the nightmare
And clean the debris
I will never be the same
But there's a brighter light of day
I have much more to say
We will never break
Nothing will ever be the same
They told me it would never be the same
But the darkening sky shattered more than the day
It just blew us all away
Chose to scream
When everything
Would never be the same
Everything I know
"I don't think we'll make it"
Remnants of the past
Scattered in the ash
With cameras in the sky
My nightmares had come alive
"How do you feel?"
"Did everyone survive?"
I'm suffocating, leave me be
Your cameras cannot catch
All that I've seen
It will never be the same
So I sifted through the ashes
And lifted the trees
To erase the nightmare
And clean the debris
I will never be the same
But there's a brighter light of day
I have much more to say
We will never break
Nothing will ever be the same
They told me it would never be the same
But the darkening sky shattered more than the day
It just blew us all away
Published 8th Sep 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
Nice poem. I like the first two lines, they are subtle yet get the point across in a methaphoric way. This allows for the concept of a storm( Im guessing hurricane, maybe tornado) to be developed in only two lines, instead of using a few more lines to vividly describe it. It also seems that it was so horrible and probably happened so fast, the narrator doesnt want to vividly describe the storm as she later tries to "erase the nightmares".
The last two lines seem of the poem seem awkward. In the preceding stanza you end with 'we will never break', which is hopeful, uplifting amd looks to a better future. So the last line I cant figure its purpose, is it saying all the storm did was blow us away now we can get up dust off and rebuild, or is it saying it devastated us and like the first two lines of the stanza 'we will never be the same'. If the intention was the latter then I think the line 'we will never break is badly placed and confuses the reader, it somewhat contradicts the ending.
Hope this is helpful, I enjoyed this and look forward to improvement.
Good job.
The last two lines seem of the poem seem awkward. In the preceding stanza you end with 'we will never break', which is hopeful, uplifting amd looks to a better future. So the last line I cant figure its purpose, is it saying all the storm did was blow us away now we can get up dust off and rebuild, or is it saying it devastated us and like the first two lines of the stanza 'we will never be the same'. If the intention was the latter then I think the line 'we will never break is badly placed and confuses the reader, it somewhat contradicts the ending.
Hope this is helpful, I enjoyed this and look forward to improvement.
Good job.
