deepundergroundpoetry.com
Losing what little sanity we have left.
They said,"you'd never go far kid",but we knew all the long.
That one day they'd eat their words.
No parties, no drinking, no smoking you'll never amount to anything they said.
But again we knew things would turn out different and that soon they would eat their words.
Were so much better the farther we are from the rules, the regulations.
What were we suppose to do?
Stay and suffer?
Becoming numb to who we are losing our personality and becoming nothing just like they wanted.
Yeah, right!
That'll never happen because as long as i got you, it's always gonna be all good.
As long as you got me we will do just fine.
Us against the world that's a powerful combination.
They better hope to never see our faces again, because those once nobodies have finally become somebodies and now were force feeding them their words.
That one day they'd eat their words.
No parties, no drinking, no smoking you'll never amount to anything they said.
But again we knew things would turn out different and that soon they would eat their words.
Were so much better the farther we are from the rules, the regulations.
What were we suppose to do?
Stay and suffer?
Becoming numb to who we are losing our personality and becoming nothing just like they wanted.
Yeah, right!
That'll never happen because as long as i got you, it's always gonna be all good.
As long as you got me we will do just fine.
Us against the world that's a powerful combination.
They better hope to never see our faces again, because those once nobodies have finally become somebodies and now were force feeding them their words.
Published 20th Apr 2010
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29th Jan 2011 2:08am
You don't need all these full stops, for one. Second thing, 'were' should be 'we're' as in 'we are'
'As long as you got me we will do just fine.' Are you saying that without you this person will "never go far" or "never amount to anything" that's a little narcissistic, don't you think? Also 'you got me' seems a little chav-esque.
'Us against the world that's a powerful combination.' Should be 'Us against the world; that is a powerful combination.'
'They better hope to never see our faces again,'
'They should hope that they never see our faces again' the first attempt was again a little, just wavering I suppose on grammar.
'because those once nobodies have finally become somebodies and now were force feeding them their words.' should be something like...'because those 'no-bodies' have finally become 'some-bodies' and no we're force feeding them their words.' How can you force feed them their words if they haven't seen your faces in a while...Think the connectivity between those two lines over. Thanks for the read.
LA
