deepundergroundpoetry.com
Missive After
i wonder if you heard anything i said
our accents dance in different stratospheres
i'm up, alienated, thinking about dawn
surely humid, a little rainy
it's hot down here even now
i come down here to hit the comp
then i dash back up for the air conditioning
i feel like an explosion in the near distance
the people are deaf, but can they feel the tremble?
the earth knows my feet
now deliver to the essence of others
the dirty rock-ball of sand, soil and water!
spin faster! i'm bored!
our accents dance in different stratospheres
i'm up, alienated, thinking about dawn
surely humid, a little rainy
it's hot down here even now
i come down here to hit the comp
then i dash back up for the air conditioning
i feel like an explosion in the near distance
the people are deaf, but can they feel the tremble?
the earth knows my feet
now deliver to the essence of others
the dirty rock-ball of sand, soil and water!
spin faster! i'm bored!
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Re: Missive After
23rd Aug 2012 5:01pm
Well done poem. The contrast between the "humidity" and "air conditioning" is grand. I experience that "blast blaze" almost every day, living in Texas. The only thing I would suggest dropping is "I'm bored." Sorry to say it sounds redundent. If the reader can't note that, he/she hasn't really read the poem.
marcella1
marcella1
0
Re: Missive After
18th Feb 2013 9:36am
actually, that was a letter to someone. i forget who. just some crazy thoughts running through my head, directed at some stranger.
Re: Missive After
18th Feb 2013 10:15am
i could have edited it down to "i'm bored". ultimate brevity, or the art of ennui?
sometimes a dash of repetition is nice.
summary obvious, underline the underlined.
sometimes a dash of repetition is nice.
summary obvious, underline the underlined.
Re: Missive After
the biggest personal complaint i get is
'you think too much' not 'you write too little'. brevity brevity!
brevity is the law, brevity under hush.
the magic of silence.
the quiet storm.
no point in the echoing of thunder.
no point in xeroxing blank pages.
we all know what fresh snow looks like.
why praise the exclamation?
screaming in a canyon, quite futile.
when that sort of emptiness delivers, it's predictable.
'you think too much' not 'you write too little'. brevity brevity!
brevity is the law, brevity under hush.
the magic of silence.
the quiet storm.
no point in the echoing of thunder.
no point in xeroxing blank pages.
we all know what fresh snow looks like.
why praise the exclamation?
screaming in a canyon, quite futile.
when that sort of emptiness delivers, it's predictable.
Re: Missive After
18th Feb 2013 10:40am
rambling? i blame it on the morning view from the weary perspective of a long night.
soon the sun shall beat upon me
drawn eyelids, light fighting through shades
warm luminescence, time lapse dreams
sleep, did i need not say that?
;D
soon the sun shall beat upon me
drawn eyelids, light fighting through shades
warm luminescence, time lapse dreams
sleep, did i need not say that?
;D
Re: Missive After
18th Feb 2013 11:34am
fracture, reverse, fracture, reverse
does it sound like a foreign interpretation yet?
a foreign interpretation, does it sound like it yet?
breaking rules for fun and profit!
prophet, speak to me of selling poetry...
and with a great voice he said "fuck around, have some fun, quit not your day-job. poetry give naught but itself and takes naught but from itself"
does it sound like a foreign interpretation yet?
a foreign interpretation, does it sound like it yet?
breaking rules for fun and profit!
prophet, speak to me of selling poetry...
and with a great voice he said "fuck around, have some fun, quit not your day-job. poetry give naught but itself and takes naught but from itself"
Re: Missive After
18th Feb 2013 11:39am
...an i'm talking to myself again and it's so damn cold and it's just not true
excerpt from line while line
excerpt from line while line
Re: Missive After
18th Feb 2013 11:41am
Re: Missive After
redundancy! take off that summary masque! the ball is over, and you're babbling to the door!
Re: Missive After
Anonymous
6th Mar 2013 2:30pm
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