In bone, suspended.

I'm standing on a pier.
I'm drunk, and I've been crying.

I cut up my legs and arms to ribbons.
Razor blade caresses, I no longer have a face, or ears, or a nose, or lips....I'm holding my scalp in my hand.

I wrote a note.
But I decided to eat it instead.

No one will understand.
I know that no one will understand the why.

I begin to feel my body, my head.
I dig my fingers through the cuts, tracing their paths.

I was never happy.
I was never content.

I've never been in love with the right woman.
I never truly trusted another.

I stood alone.
And now I've decided to crumble, according to my will.

They'll say that I wasn't strong enough.
They will call me weak and dumb.

But I am smart that I understood in time.
I understood that something had to be done.

I'm standing at the edge of the pier.
I'm feeling like I'm about to pass out.

It's time.
I'm going to be free soon.

I turn around.
I lift my arms and head up.

I begin to fall back.
And I am suspended.

I don't hit the water.
I don't feel myself falling anymore.

I am ascending.
And I begin to cry again.

"I JUST WANTED TO STOP!"
"I JUST WANTED TO TURN OFF!"

I scream into christ's judging eyes, and say:

"I WANT SATAN!"