deepundergroundpoetry.com
Someone to watch over me
June 21st, 2015
It was 2am. I couldn’t fall asleep. So many thoughts were floating through my mind. Some were meaningless, others of great importance. There was one thought that stood out above everything. I’m going to tell you about it, even though I probably shouldn’t be talking about this, especially to someone I don’t know. Who knows what good may come from sharing my heart with others. I can’t help it. I’m obsessed.
I’ve been thinking about him for weeks, months, years. It’s about time I start opening myself up to people again. Lately, I’ve been feeling lonesome and without a friend. Over the past 15 years, he was the only friend who ever made a difference in my life. There was no greater feeling that came from being around him, near to him, close to him.
I kept thinking about one night in particular. It’s the night he took me out to the fields in Winchester. It was a perfect evening. The stars glistened across the vast night sky. There were millions of them. As we lay on the cool grass, the deep twinkling dark engulfed the world around us. The moon had never been brighter, no had it ever seemed so close. I remember him saying that the stars were like a map that leads to another world, maybe even to heaven, where God was waiting for us to join him. He said that there would always be angels watching over us. I have never heard anything so poetic in my life.
I never thought I would meet someone like him. He was so handsome, just as men should be. With eyes so deep and dark, I could see right into his soul. He was almost perfect. His smile was warm and inviting. There was something in the way he spoke. It made me calm, almost serene. He was so much smarter than me. He changed my life completely. Whenever he was around me, the world seemed a little happier and brighter… and less complicated.
I finally fell asleep. It took long enough. The next morning, I woke up feeling emptier than ever before. I doubted if I could even make it through my breakfast. I knew that I would never feel the same again. At least not the way he made me feel. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine his arms around me. I tried to remember his warmth and compassion. But there was nothing; only a cold chill on my face and shoulders. My universe had shifted. I opened up the Sunday paper and went directly to the Obituaries section. I wanted to see if there was anything about him. There it was at the bottom of the page. In deep black print, it read:
“Daniel R. Eisenberg, (35) of Chicago, IL, peacefully passed away at home at 5:32pm
on June 16th, 2012, surrounded by love. He had been diagnosed with a brain tumor, 6 months prior. Beloved husband of Elizabeth Hodge- Eisenberg, Devoted father to daughters, Grace and Fiona, and son Robert. Services to be held on Wednesday at 1pm at Chicago
Jewish Funerals Chapel.”
It was shorter than I expected. There was nothing said about his charity, nothing about his impeccable standing in the community. But I was really pleased to see that he made the paper at all. He was always so involved in everything, even after finding out about the tumor. He was completely devoted to his friends and family. I cut the obit out of the paper and stuck in on the fridge door, right next to his picture. Its been three years since he died, and it’s still there. I can’t bring myself to take it down. I know what you’re thinking. I shouldn’t keep little reminders of him around. But I don’t know if I can handle letting him go yet. He was everything to me. I’m not ready. I still can’t sleep. Just knowing that I’ll never wake up to his face again, it keeps me up at night. It doesn’t help that Grace keeps having nightmares and can’t sleep in her own bed.
The kids keep asking me if Daddy went to Heaven. I don’t know what to say. I want to believe it. It’s unbelievable. Fiona’s faith is so strong for only being 9 years old. I overheard her telling Robert not to worry, that Daddy is one of the angels who watches over us now. I really hope that it’s true. I can’t believe that it’s been 3 years. The kids are growing up too fast. They are so much stronger than I am. I don’t know if I can make it on my own. Shouldn’t I feel better by now? Shouldn’t I be healed? I’ve been praying to God for strength to move on. I just don’t feel ready. My mom has been trying to set me up. But none of them are him. My heart isn’t strong enough yet. I don’t know how to move on from this. He was my husband, my soul mate.
How do I move forward, without my dearest love?
I probably shouldn’t be talking about this to a complete stranger. But I can’t help it. He’s all I can think about. Everyone who’s ever matter to me is gone. Except for the kids of course. They are my angels. Daniel will always be my guardian angel.
I’m so sorry. I’ve been going on and on and I never introduced myself.
My name is Elizabeth Eisenberg and my husband, although no longer alive, still watches over me.
It was 2am. I couldn’t fall asleep. So many thoughts were floating through my mind. Some were meaningless, others of great importance. There was one thought that stood out above everything. I’m going to tell you about it, even though I probably shouldn’t be talking about this, especially to someone I don’t know. Who knows what good may come from sharing my heart with others. I can’t help it. I’m obsessed.
I’ve been thinking about him for weeks, months, years. It’s about time I start opening myself up to people again. Lately, I’ve been feeling lonesome and without a friend. Over the past 15 years, he was the only friend who ever made a difference in my life. There was no greater feeling that came from being around him, near to him, close to him.
I kept thinking about one night in particular. It’s the night he took me out to the fields in Winchester. It was a perfect evening. The stars glistened across the vast night sky. There were millions of them. As we lay on the cool grass, the deep twinkling dark engulfed the world around us. The moon had never been brighter, no had it ever seemed so close. I remember him saying that the stars were like a map that leads to another world, maybe even to heaven, where God was waiting for us to join him. He said that there would always be angels watching over us. I have never heard anything so poetic in my life.
I never thought I would meet someone like him. He was so handsome, just as men should be. With eyes so deep and dark, I could see right into his soul. He was almost perfect. His smile was warm and inviting. There was something in the way he spoke. It made me calm, almost serene. He was so much smarter than me. He changed my life completely. Whenever he was around me, the world seemed a little happier and brighter… and less complicated.
I finally fell asleep. It took long enough. The next morning, I woke up feeling emptier than ever before. I doubted if I could even make it through my breakfast. I knew that I would never feel the same again. At least not the way he made me feel. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine his arms around me. I tried to remember his warmth and compassion. But there was nothing; only a cold chill on my face and shoulders. My universe had shifted. I opened up the Sunday paper and went directly to the Obituaries section. I wanted to see if there was anything about him. There it was at the bottom of the page. In deep black print, it read:
“Daniel R. Eisenberg, (35) of Chicago, IL, peacefully passed away at home at 5:32pm
on June 16th, 2012, surrounded by love. He had been diagnosed with a brain tumor, 6 months prior. Beloved husband of Elizabeth Hodge- Eisenberg, Devoted father to daughters, Grace and Fiona, and son Robert. Services to be held on Wednesday at 1pm at Chicago
Jewish Funerals Chapel.”
It was shorter than I expected. There was nothing said about his charity, nothing about his impeccable standing in the community. But I was really pleased to see that he made the paper at all. He was always so involved in everything, even after finding out about the tumor. He was completely devoted to his friends and family. I cut the obit out of the paper and stuck in on the fridge door, right next to his picture. Its been three years since he died, and it’s still there. I can’t bring myself to take it down. I know what you’re thinking. I shouldn’t keep little reminders of him around. But I don’t know if I can handle letting him go yet. He was everything to me. I’m not ready. I still can’t sleep. Just knowing that I’ll never wake up to his face again, it keeps me up at night. It doesn’t help that Grace keeps having nightmares and can’t sleep in her own bed.
The kids keep asking me if Daddy went to Heaven. I don’t know what to say. I want to believe it. It’s unbelievable. Fiona’s faith is so strong for only being 9 years old. I overheard her telling Robert not to worry, that Daddy is one of the angels who watches over us now. I really hope that it’s true. I can’t believe that it’s been 3 years. The kids are growing up too fast. They are so much stronger than I am. I don’t know if I can make it on my own. Shouldn’t I feel better by now? Shouldn’t I be healed? I’ve been praying to God for strength to move on. I just don’t feel ready. My mom has been trying to set me up. But none of them are him. My heart isn’t strong enough yet. I don’t know how to move on from this. He was my husband, my soul mate.
How do I move forward, without my dearest love?
I probably shouldn’t be talking about this to a complete stranger. But I can’t help it. He’s all I can think about. Everyone who’s ever matter to me is gone. Except for the kids of course. They are my angels. Daniel will always be my guardian angel.
I’m so sorry. I’ve been going on and on and I never introduced myself.
My name is Elizabeth Eisenberg and my husband, although no longer alive, still watches over me.
Published 21st Jul 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 0
reads 860
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
