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Man o' War
Ships of passion sailed upon the seventh sea of hearts
Other vessels lost before the men could plot their charts
Capsized by waves of love that rose above the shanty lies
Swallowed by the swelling tide of fear within their eyes
Flags of hope were flown to lonely lovers on the beach
Hoisted full-sail, painted black, and sewn across the breach
Waving in the winds of time, they bore a signal true
Fear not these daunting waters, for we will guide you through
Cannon fodder dreams were scuttled deep into the black
Tangled in the coral web, the sea had brought them back
Raging sailors readied guns of truth, and tolled the bell
Blasting at the surface, of the sea they knew so well
Morning tumbled down into the breeze of salty light
Splashing on the decks as though the sun had taken flight
Lapping heavy-laboured tides had eased, along with night
The ships in dock could now take stock, to sail again, and fight
Other vessels lost before the men could plot their charts
Capsized by waves of love that rose above the shanty lies
Swallowed by the swelling tide of fear within their eyes
Flags of hope were flown to lonely lovers on the beach
Hoisted full-sail, painted black, and sewn across the breach
Waving in the winds of time, they bore a signal true
Fear not these daunting waters, for we will guide you through
Cannon fodder dreams were scuttled deep into the black
Tangled in the coral web, the sea had brought them back
Raging sailors readied guns of truth, and tolled the bell
Blasting at the surface, of the sea they knew so well
Morning tumbled down into the breeze of salty light
Splashing on the decks as though the sun had taken flight
Lapping heavy-laboured tides had eased, along with night
The ships in dock could now take stock, to sail again, and fight
Published 21st Jul 2012
| Edited 6th Aug 2012
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Love the Romanticized view of Victorian-era naval battles. The second stanza though has some serious foot and meter issues which should be sorted out, as it really trips up your reading, be it by your voice or that of your internal monologue. In general I'm a total sucker for well-executed foot and meter. Favorite lines:
"Cannon fodder dreams were scuttled deep into the black
Tangled in the coral web, the sea had brought them back
-And of course the first stanza is the best part.
"Cannon fodder dreams were scuttled deep into the black
Tangled in the coral web, the sea had brought them back
-And of course the first stanza is the best part.
6th Aug 2012 4:00am
Thank you for your feedback, you were absolutely right about the meter being off. I don't know how I missed that, it must have just flowed OK in my head and I wrote it pretty quickly, I should have double checked it. Hopefully it reads better now.
