deepundergroundpoetry.com
In Too Deep
I've sank within myself
This life...my only choice
I am completely happy aren't I?
Or have I lost my voice...
Just when I get...
Right where I need to be,
I take a look back...
Of all the people I've left behind me.
I am moving forward...
Or am I standing still?
I feel desire to go upward...
But I find myself circling this hill.
I question every step,
It always feels so wrong.
What if I go too far one way,
And it's the wrong path I'm traveling on?
This life...my only choice
I am completely happy aren't I?
Or have I lost my voice...
Just when I get...
Right where I need to be,
I take a look back...
Of all the people I've left behind me.
I am moving forward...
Or am I standing still?
I feel desire to go upward...
But I find myself circling this hill.
I question every step,
It always feels so wrong.
What if I go too far one way,
And it's the wrong path I'm traveling on?
Published 12th Jul 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Sep 2012 6:51pm
It's a rare thing to be able to put one's deepest emotions into words. You have the makings of a very talented poet.
Be careful to avoid cliches, "moving forward or standing still," the lines immediately after portray this so much more elegantly.
Very solid work. Best of luck.
Be careful to avoid cliches, "moving forward or standing still," the lines immediately after portray this so much more elegantly.
Very solid work. Best of luck.
27th Sep 2012 00:34am
I'm so sorry I've just seen your comment. That is great constructive criticism and well spoken. Thank you.
