All I've Done

All I've done,
Is search out answers I don't want,
Check facebook messages,
Check texts,
Check emails,
Searching for something I don't want to see,
But feel I have a right to know.

Is it really my business?
He's never been in love.
He never loved me.
So if he wants to fuck someone else in our bed,
Who am I to care?

It's not even our bed, it's his.
I don't live with him,
I don't go home to him.
He doesn't want me there.
I always thought I could love him enough for two.
Apparently not.

I looked elsewhere,
Found everything I needed,
And then turned it down,
Because he was what I wanted.
I could have been in the Navy,
I could have made something of myself.
But I stayed here.
To be with someone who never said he was with me.

It's not like I have proof,
Just circumstantial evidence,
Naked pictures on the computer,
Soppy emails ending with
'xxxxxx <3 xxxxxx'
Talk of romantic getaways, moonlit walks.
Texts to someone else from our holiday,
No sex, no contact, just drinking and smoking.
It's what we always did best.

But because he says no,
I believe
He says they're friends.
And I just take it.
Won't leave him,
I'll just sulk and love him still.
Until he gets the guts
To leave me,
Because of all the things I've done,
All the promises I made,
'I won't leave you' will be the kept one.