I plead guilty

Your departure induced,
My catatonic stare,
Knees gathered to my chest,
Cold wooden floor bare,
I sat there silently,
Yet restlessly aware.

I saw your face before me,
Plastic happiness curving your lips,
White noise surrounded,
And I felt the scale tip.

Stagnant,
Still,
Needing  an escape.
Throat closed,
Blood pulsing,
The hole in my chest,
Began to gape.

So I stood on weak limbs,
And readied myself,
For a date with darkness,
Quick footed stealth.

Blackness surrounding,
You ran beside me in the crisp winter air,
I could feel your presence,
Your soul guiding me with care.

So as the wind tore at my lungs,
I suppressed those hot sticky tears,
Direction unknown,
There was nothing I feared.

Knowing you were there,
Unable to speak,
My body turned to jelly,
And I collapsed in a heap.

I could have held your hand,
Pulled you back from the ledge,
Made you see how much I loved you,
Before you  jumped over the edge.

So now I am left,
Torn open and alone,
Usings things to numb the pain,
And block out that cold head stone.

On ticks the clock,
Whilst I stand still,
The fates are fated,
Another hole left unfilled.