Empty Shell

Young girl at only 18
packed her bags
parents made a scene
torn between love
riddled with guilt
a life she tried hard but built
before too long
a baby on the way
parents tried to have their say

As she sits back
and now reflects
her parents really did know best
no way would she admit that then
only if she had her time again

The first sign came early on
but boy was she gonna prove them wrong
for I had given my heart and soul
little did she know what would later unfold

Eight years quickly past on
then one Christmas it all went very wrong
violence, destruction so much sorrow
didn't wanna think about tomorrow
drugs to try and numb the pain
If only the memories would abstain...

Somehow from my empty shell
I could no longer stay in this hell
my parents I had to call
as I knew it was a long fall
physically and emotionally  burnt out
back at my parents who just wanted to shout

Detached, empty and completely shut down
being wasted was the only comfort I found
Before too long, in another rocky relationship before I thought twice

It ended up with him taking his life
the way I coped and just got by
was by being so fucking high

Desperate and totally out of control
the devil had taken over my soul
Nothing or no one could get in my way
didn't give a shit about what anyone had to say

I would lie, manipulate and play tricks
all so I could get my next fix
I never thought I would cross that line
FUCK....it really does blow my mind

The reflection in the mirror I didn't recognize
the person I saw I totally despised
Somehow it rocked me that I was so unwell
so emancipated, just a hollow shell
It was like staring death in the face
I knew I needed to get to a better place

The road is long with many twists and bends
through it all lost most of my friends
I am lucky some say... to still be alive
I so often questioned why??? I am meant to survive

Addiction is a battle to the end
Unless you've been there it's hard to comprehend
The demon is so hard to contain
even harder to try and abstain
Still battling till this very day
For recovery ii can hope it comes my way