welcome to my mind

Lately I have realized that I change around people so I know I will be accepted.
Rejection is what I fear.
Rejection is defined at my biggest fear.
All my life I've been so insecure, and yet I still am.
I believe no positive comment spoken by other and consumed by my ears .
I'm not who I intended to be.
When I look in the mirror mistakes are all I see.
All I wish is to be free
Break away and flee
Away from the trouble that has left me shaking, and barely able to breathe.
Sink my nails deeper into my skin.
I always loose; never win.
My luck is bad
It may be sad
But it's all I know
I just don't let it show.
Pain defines me.
If only you could see
Understand the pain that is truley me.
It makes me want to hide.
Tie a rope to my neck and die.
Let the darkness consume me
As if I were a pie.
I'm slipping away
Hoping I don't get caught and have to stay.
I'm begining to break again.
I don't know how much more I can take.
Maybe it's a nightmare
And I shall soon awake
But until that day
Welcome to my mind.
There is not much here you will find
Nithing but the pain and sorrow in which I live deep in.
So deep in nothing else can seep in.
The cracks are flooded with my tears
It is so bad I wish for my fears.
This endless darkness is taking its toll on me
It is starting to blow on me and push me down.
It is so bad my biggest smile if a frown.
But you know, life goes on.
Even if I can't stay strongeven if one day I quit holding on.
Everything I worked for is still yet nothing.
Do you honestly think I am bluffing?
When I say I want to die?
Do you wonder why I look do deep into the sky?
I wish I could get that high
Just leave it all behind.
But I guess that is what drugs are for, right?
All my life I am seemingly blind
To the 'good' in life.
Everytime I look though
It seems to not be there.
I am standing there staring at air.
The hollow feeling of despair stays within me
Refusing to leave
As I kick and scream.
It is building up in me
And I'm about to burst at the seams.
This pain is the kind nobody sees.
It is locked up as if with a key.
I'm a dry, washed up mold of what I was once was
Living off a constant buzz
From drugs and achol and all inbetween.
This is the side of me everyone has seen.
Me at my worst, me at my best
It's like I'm constantly failing a major test.
The teest that is life.
More like a knife
Being grousomely jabbed into my back.
I'm blind.
Hiding behind this shadow of mine.
I wish this was the pain someone could take away.
As if someone would want to save my day.
I will leave my body
Full of decay.
I'll leave it all behind
And see what they say.