I hate the way you love me (a history)

You make me a love junkie  
always chasing  
the high of breathing you in  
 
But you only want me  
when loneliness turns  
to weakness  
and nostalgia for a dark romance
sounds like a good idea  
 
You take what never was
and breathe life  
into all my unspoken fantasies  
and I know, I know  
it isn't real  
but I stick around  
because I want to find out  
if you have the capacity to change  
even though I know you don't  
 
...
 
Give me the best version of yourself
for six months  
and then slowly slowly  
slip back into your lying bones  
that you spent so much time  
hiding from me  
 
Love bomb me  
wrap me up in sex so good  
I can't think beyond  
the inferno of my desires
 
Let me pretend  
it doesn't take me  
a decade to untangle myself  
from you  
 
...
 
I hate how much I want you  
when you're gone  
 
Flip the coin  
and I'd rather shove your corpse
in a wood chipper  
than spend one more second
looking at your stupid face  
as you tangle me  
trip me up  
and tie me down
in a jumble of emotions
that are designed  
to make me insane  
 
...
 
You're the rumble of thunder
ripping cracks through  
our atmosphere  
you're the fist-shaped
hole in the wall  
you're anger  
and desire and rejection  
 
You're my mirror  
and my weakness  
and my addiction  
 
...
 
You know the right words
to keep me here  
when every other instinct  
screams run
 
...
 
I hate the way you love me  
I hate the way I let you