Date night

 

Agave tingled my tongue
because you
you squished me
until I turned my head
for a proper kiss,
which almost
distracted me
from the giant pink
dildo on my phone screen

Almost.

I clicked next and
shrugged my shoulders
as you nibbled my earlobe
to get you to stop,
so I could resume
the argument

You insisted the original
Hitachi wand was the way to go
and expressed real horror that
I didn’t have one already.

But it was so… plain

I need a sex toy to be
as vibrant as I am
and I’m a fucking
shiny little starfish
by god!

Your head was
on my shoulder,
Your semi-hard cock
against my lower back,
we sat on the floor,
leaned against the couch,
and you engulfed me
like one of those
giant overstuffed
chairs while we
scrolled through the
gluck gluck 4000s and
remote controlled panty vibes  

You offered me the glass
of tequila on ice and
I shook my head,

then hit the
creature cock section of the site,

then took the the tumbler from you
without looking.

I chugged half of it
wide eyed,
heart thudding at
the gleeful
assortment of shit to
shove my holes.

Or your holes?
Or?
How the fuck did that work?!

And you laughed at
my excitement
which made me laugh
until we were a couple of
giggling horny teens
looking at the ads
in the back of a  
Hustler Magazine
we found under
a hotel bed

I literally eep’d.
Squealed.
And knocked your chin with my forehead
when we landed on the
alien fist.

Bright blue with a hand of fingers

I tried to fight my way
off your lap
so I could gesticulate
about the horrific
alien fist-shaped thing
that I knew would break my
sweet little ass

But I felt like we should try?
Also… fuck no!
But maybe?!
Definitely yes!

Your chest rumbled on my
back and you held me tighter
with one arm

‘that’s for a man,’
you murmured

‘I mean, hey,
if you want an
alien fist in your butt
I’m here for it, babe,’ I replied

You pointed at the screen.
It had a hole.
It was a stroker.

It was a fancy pocket pussy,
so you could get a hand job
from an alien.

I hit add to cart because
that was something I
neeeeeeded to see

you leaned back,
added another splash
of liquor to the glass
as I navigated
to the
clit-licking vibes
and gasped
at the horrible
animation.

Wow.

this was way more
fun than the time
we ordered vintage
1980s porn
and an eBay
VHS and tried
to act out scenes
in tandem

Ok. Maybe not.
But this was fucking fun!

You scrolled
to the BDSM tab
and clicked on a ball gag.
I elbowed you
because you know
you like to hear me
cuss you out when I cum

but I added a spreader bar
from that page.

Because, spreader bar!

Your cock was more
than semi hard against
my back as your fingers
made lazy 8s on my clit
until I tried to
make you stop
so I could focus on
on shopping

That worked like flamethrower
in a paper plant

you had cuddled
and indulged
and encouraged
and I think I was maybe
as in love as woman can be
wrapped in you,
a little tipsy,
laughing my
ass off,

horny,

and filled with a welling
bubble of something
purely
happy….

But it was time
to focus on you.

You tossed my phone on
the couch
and rolled
us over so
I was flush
on top.

You pointed with your eyes
as you told me
you had a toy ready for
me to play with
and it
didn’t even need
shipping time
or extra postage!

I nipped your lip
and said you
pick

the
best
date nights

my hand closed
around you
and you agreed
with a sharp inhale
as my mouth
took its place

and the taste
of you
was new agave
on my
smiling lips