hanging around....

   
   
     foreseeable future- figment of imagination; a walking suitcase filled with inconvenient stuff on the inside; a "protest" postponed due to a "heart condition"(firgure of speech) and mind torn in two....    
   
   what makes life worth living? I've binged watched others' expressed their near death experiences- most sound replicated and nonconvincing; I've made a number of "off the whim" decisions; I'd like to think it somehow prepares me for a "thorough" and perhaps more graceful ending....    
   
  I've been stopped pretending-that the concept of "making a living" made sense- to oneself- one's only been left cringing....what is "help"? other than a way to permanently end.... "this...."    
   
  telling me who or who I am or not- what I should or shouldn't be doing; there's always a reoccuring dropping of both shoes; hanging around for flesh's sake    
   
  we are parasitical by nature.... i'm selfish to not be at peace with that?- maybe I've gradually grown to not like that so much.... because it's more damaging than anything added to what ever internal agony resides already....    
   
  the thought of permenant absence becomes more liberating with each passing day; there's vindication.... sweet vindication in seeing and knowing what's been revealed throughout life stages....    
   
   no walk in the park- no picnic- but cloudy hazes.... a "law" should be approved to "legal and convenient options" to "exit the building...."