Diaries of the Thought Police #101

At 2:43 this morning, Clare Thomas, 53, of Aberdeen,  briefly considered setting her cheating, unemployed husband Fraser on fire as he slept, but gave up her plan when she realized she was out of lighter fuel and there were no stores open. Her thoughts then shifted to a navy blouse she had seen on sale earlier in the day at Primark.

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A Bristol branch of the Natwest Bank was robbed twice yesterday in the mind of David Bell, 33. He was disturbed by his wife, who entered the kitchen to make a cup of tea. She asked him why he was wearing a pair of her tights over his head, holding a wooden spoon and demanding money from the toaster? He protested that it was actually a gun, but her mind had drifted to her imaginary amour in the South of France.

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Peter Pugh, 38, of Chesterfield, wilfully and forcefully generated a mental image of a naked Keira Knightley without the actress’s consent, which he then projected onto his wife Donna as they were having mechanical, partially clothed sex sometime after 10 pm last Thursday. The illicit illusion lasted approximately two-and-a-half minutes, after which Pugh’s powers of imagination failed and he had an overwhelming desire to weep.

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Sheridan Whiteside, 56, mentally stalked his fellow worker Anne Coates, for the tenth time this month, in what has become an obsessive evening ritual for the London resident. His imagination followed her home after she got off the Victoria Underground two stops before him. He pictured her entering her house while he loitered in the street, incorporeal and impotent, unable to mentally enter her home because he had never actually been inside it and to clearly picture the interior.