Restricted

Missed calls, unreturned texts,  
But you still keep sending, keep reaching.  
Always calling "Restricted,"  
I told you, I couldn’t fix you.  
You had to heal yourself.  
But still, you said, "I can't do it alone."  

I told you to trust, to walk through the door,  
That little boy’s waiting for you.  
I put your baby picture in your hand,  
Told you to love him—tell him you do.  
But you punched holes in walls,  
And in my soul,  
Screaming that this was all so stupid,  
That none of this mattered anyway.  

I walked with you through your darkness,  
But I can go no further.
"I healed myself now you must
do the same," I tell you.
The scars still screamed in silence,  
Your daily words cutting deeper,  
Telling me I was nothing—stupid,  
A whore, undeserving of anything but pain.  

You kicked me, I kicked back,  
Until I was tired and broke you.  
You moved things around, made me
doubt my own mind,  
Sometimes I think your power came
from watching me bleed.  
I lied to everyone, told them how
great you were,  
Even as you tore me apart inside.  

We wore the masks, the perfect family,  
Going to Sunday service,  
But we never got rid of the demons,  
Just learned how to hide them.  
You paced back and forth, asking,  
"Why can’t you be the girl I fell in love with?"  
But I don’t know who she is anymore.  
The woman you loved is gone,  
And I'm sorry you don’t see her in my eyes.  

So call it what it is—  
It’s over.

NP