Worn But Breathing

I don't want to be alone  
but I'm not afraid of it  
if I can't have my own back  
how could I expect someone else to  
   
life has been physically draining  
a familiar sense of not belonging  
of unwant  
to be ignored is a powerful  
haunting feeling  
a slap to the face  
a permanent scar  
no chance of healing  
   
why do we linger here  
whats the point in staying  
ive been let down more times than I can remember  
so Ive stopped counting  
eventually i have to stop expecting anything different  
   
the uncomfort  
has sent me over the edge  
I can't blame you though  
for this mid life lesson  
   
you did what you had to do  
and I learned what I needed to  
sometimes the hurt is the only thing  
that ever tells the truth  
   
Ill carry on as I always have  
worn but still breathing  
not searching not waiting  
just existing