For Tiger

I still remember how I felt when I met you.
Only three years old, and having fun at a carnival.
Why a three year old was allowed to throw darts,
Even at a wall of balloons, remains a mystery.

Somehow, fate, we'll say, made me throw strong and true.
And next thing I know, I'm holding a small stuffed cheetah,
My arms wrapped around you like a cage full of love.
And I'm calling you Tiger.

Flash forward 14 years; My life has gone to shit.
Suicide is on my mind.
And all I can think about is what I've done to friends,
Both past and present.

There is no one to hold me.
Not anymore, anyways.
So I reach up to my headboard, and pull you close.
Shaking, crying, and waiting for the bad things to go away.

You've always done that for me.
I hold you, and everything that was attacking me,
Even things from the darkest recesses of my mind,
Just fade out, leaving a boy and his stuffed cheetah.

You've been what I needed you to be.
As a little kid, you warded off monsters.
In my pre-teen years you listened as cried about bullies.
And now, you're charged with being someone to love me.

All I've wanted is for a girl to do that.
To truly, honestly love me.
And not as a brother, or a valuable friend.
But as someone they can't live without.

I know you're just a stuffed toy.
Incapable of feelings.
Weathered with age, and with some small holes.
But you're the realest person in my life.

I would literally kill anyone who destroyed you.
I'd never forgive myself for losing you.
I don't know how I'd go on without you.
And I can't stress that enough.

You'll always be in my life.
Damned what others may say.
I feel sorry most people don't have the kind of connection we do.
Because, my sweet, beautiful Tiger...

I love you.