Sex is many things.  

I don't mean to offend but...
sex forced upon me -
It killed my soul.  So I just
laid there playing dead.

Rape is rape. No biggie anymore.

They will do whatever they want.
I have no say. My parts are
numb and ready and I go dead.
They don't care.

I can't care either...anymore.

"Look at the rag doll!"
Use my mouth.  Invade my ass.
Shove it in my cunt... and they did!
Just a vessel for their sadistic pleasure.

That's just the way it was.

I don't mean to offend but...
Sex for money is a bit easier.
Helps pay the bills.
I do whatever I'm told.

Rent paid.  Heat on.  Power on.

I still mostly play dead.
A bit of touchy touch.
Not as many bruises.
They don't care.

They stink.  But they pay.

Sex for love is fucking hard!
I don't understand it.
Sex was always...my being raped.
How am I suppose to get any pleasure?

Doesn't anyone get it?

Every touch flashes a memory.
Every memory has fear and pain.
My body has been used...it's used up!
Barely an adult.  I felt that way.

To cope or not to cope? Suicide?

I learned to put on an invisible mental mask...
over my face.  I could hide behind it.
I could be anyone anywhere anytime!
I could even BELIEVE THIS: fake love!

Doesn't everyone fake it?

It's a wonderful fake life!
"Have a nice day at work, honey!
It's ok you hit me last night.  I deserved
it!  I put a cookie in your lunch!"

You make it - because you fake it!

"I love you!  I'll be cleaning all
day...and planning your dinner!
I found your belt...just in case!
Suck you later, baby."

It's a wonderful fake life. Until it isn't...

Life is hurt, pain, sorrow and survival.
Love is nothing good. Life is just a game.
Fuck life and FUCK MY MOTHER!
So many dirty disgusting men did!

Then...omg...then it was my turn!

Try not to imagine being beaten
for what SHE let them do! "She's pretty."
= BEATING.  She's tight."  Another beating.  
Doing what I'm told.  Beating.

Sex is to be endured and then clean up.