The Love The Pop Stars Sing About

I'm supposed to settle for a love that is normal.
That doesn't cross the lines.
That is in the box.

But I won't.
I want the love
the pop stars sing about.

I know I've felt it somehow.
I swear.
But no one wants it the way I do.

That's one reason why I've given up on dating sites.
A bunch of guys who will gladly ghost me,
gladly forget I even existed,
a bunch of nameless dudes
who get deleted in my phone,
get deleted in my heart.

Only hasn't,
one I speak of too often.

But it is what it is.
I want to be alone for a long time.
That's the only way I could get my voice back.
Fuck church.
Fuck community.
The only community I know is
inside my heart.

I see my mother everyday,
a widowed woman.
Her husband dead.
He was the only one
who would ever understand her,
even her dark passenger.

And it seems as though I am carrying the same fate.
I fell in love with a schizophrenic like she did
and someone with a distinct voice and black hair.
The sweeter version of my father,
or so I thought.

I wish I knew the truth,
but I won't.

All I know is that I'm here,
and I'll be catching up on sleep
due to the world screwing me over
for the rest of my days.