Saturday, October 18, 2008

i'm starting to worry about maybe's and what if's. i'm just tired right? i love you. i really do. please, whatever else, know that without a doubt. know that there's no one else i do, ever have, or probably ever will feel this way about. and whatever my faults, i just can't believe that loving you is one of them. because you really are unlike anyone else in such an amazing way. you….it's too much to know how to say in words. i resort to the word i used before but it doesn't really express it all--you're perfect. and if you were "perfect" you couldn't be so perfect. i fear you could never trust me and i don't know if you could ever really love me again but still there's something about you that is in no-one else and is just so so right and perfect. it's beyond words because it's just, simply, you. that's the truth of how i feel every day but am too afraid to acknowledge. there's too much risk… thinking about it and writing about it could cause too much interruption, confusion, dissatisfaction. How much it would mean if you related, even just a little, to this sensation. but i suppose that really is far far too dangerous. what kinds of hornets' nests could such an understanding stir? perhaps the risk is not worth the knowing…. this emptiness consumes…heart aches with this emotion. what a physical pain, a physical heart-ache. i love you. i feel i should apologize—i'm sorry. i really am...i never wanted to cause hurt. It’s just it aches. it can hurt so much. do you understand that? if you don't, can you try? too tired... sleeping.. .almost.. sleeping. i love you. good night. please, please, please, make it all okay. make it be okay for me to love you. i miss giving you a hug. i really do. more than anything else right now--that's what i wish--that i could just give a goodnight…you are everything…good night