Just Writing

the hate is tearing me apart, i hate every single part of myself and i feel okay with such a thing, i try and tell myself that im okay but all the while im begging to make my throat grin at every single person who has turned me into this, and tell them that theyre the reason why im leaving.
dont tell me i need help it will only make things worse for myself in the end as i feel the cold metal swipe across my swollen throat. please save me, im drowning in pain, it was my fault i watched you go, i ran away from those images only to see them in my sleep nightly, tonight i will feel the pain of suicide i cant take it anymore its all over now. end the suffering and my guilt knowing that i could have saved you, in my heart i knew i couldnt have but i like to pretend i could have. you were all that was left in me, now your gone nontheless i am gone, i am lost within myself. i let you slip through my fingers almost as easily as his life slipped away. forgive me for what i have done here tonight, but i strive to repeat those three words that started this pain. i love you.. forever and always.