Secrets - The Disclosure

I have chips and gravy for tea, along with a couple of chunks of homemade bread to dip in the gravy. Doorsteps, we called them when we were kids. Mel shakes her head and says I need to eat more sensibly.  

Afterwards, we retreat to my flat for a few minutes and talk with the door open, keeping an eye on Robert who's in the other flat on Mel's computer. A delicate matter, she said earlier, one she would prefer Robert not to overhear.  
             
'There's something I think you ought to know,' she says. 'Gordon Day's living in Burrington and is in charge of the gym there.'
             
'What?'
             
She nods. 'He's been there about four months. Before that, he was in London, apparently working as some type of fitness instructor.'
             
I don't reply. The information is too much to handle. The town of Burrington's about seven miles away. And a gym manager, a fitness instructor?  Surely not. The Gordon I used to know lacked confidence. He was my best friend. And yours.  The three of us went everywhere together on our bikes, laughing and calling out to each other as we speeded down ginnels and lanes.  
             
'We've spoken,' Mel says.   
           
'You and Gordon?'
             
A couple of weekends ago when I went to the gym to see about joining. I didn't realise he was there. He recognised me, sort of. And he asked after you.'
           
'Right.'  I keep thinking that Mel will burst out laughing and say something like, I'm having a joke, Alan. Of course I haven't seen Gordon Day.  But I know she wouldn't joke about this. Ever.    
             
Mel says, 'He seemed friendly enough, but I don't think you should seek him out.'
             
'What did you tell him when he asked about me?'
             
'Well, I couldn't lie exactly, so I told him you were based in London. And he said that's where he'd been until about four months ago. Listen, I only mentioned it in case you and him accidentally bump into each other. You've been talking about joining a gym recently. I wouldn't want you going to the one in Burrington and getting a shock.'
 
'Well, thanks for letting me know.'   
 
'I'm sorry,' Mel says, quietly.  'I know how –
 
'It's fine. Thanks for the warning, Sis.'
 
My chest tightens with emotion. You and Gordon Day. The autumn wind with a hint of ice. The early morning frost covering the pavements near the estate. The three of us running to the sweetshop on Saturday afternoons, giggling, making up songs. We knew each other from nursery and went through infant and junior schools together. That's until a tragedy on the hill separated us.
 
Mel is talking again, but my mind wanders. Out of our group of friends, only Gordon is left. I decide that I will visit him at his gym. Not yet, but soon. I will do it for you, Craig.  For us.  
 
I hear music from somewhere in the building, a harmonica playing a plaintive tune that starts low before soaring up, like a bird flying into the clouds. I'm a bit of a jazz buff. Well, I love any music, as long as it comes straight from the heart.
 
'Is that why you were crying earlier?' I say. 'Because Gordon Day's back in the area?'
 
'I've already told you,' Mel says. 'I've got hay fever. That's why my eyes are sore and red.'
 
Right. Well, I'm not going to argue the point. Not on my first night here. I stare at the polished surface of the balcony, tracing imaginary patterns. The harmonica melody stops abruptly before resuming, softly, then climbing up again, reminding me of a child all abandoned, crying in the night.  
 
'That's Freddy.'
 
'He's a natural,' I say. 'Who is he?'
 
'A local poet. He's about fifty. I'll introduce you. Listen, about Gordon Day. Don't go looking for him. Please don't.'
 
I don't respond to that. Truth is, I'm too churned up to respond. Ignorance is bliss and all the rest of it. Fresh start.  
 
'Please. For Robert's sake, as well as your own. I know it's upsetting, but you really should leave the past alone.'
 
'Okay,' I say.    
 
And yeah, I feel bad a bit for lying to my sister, but you know the score, Craig. Gordon Day and I have unresolved issues.