Fear of Abandonment

I don’t cling to you, though maybe I should,  
I don’t hold on tight, though I wish that I could.  
Instead, I push, and I break you apart,  
Daring you to stay, though I know it’s too hard.

Every word you speak, I tear it in two,  
Every promise you make, I doubt it’s true.  
Because deep down, I can’t ever believe  
That someone like you would never just leave.

I push every button, test every line,  
Hoping you’ll snap, but wishing you’re mine.  
I need to see if you’ll walk away—  
Like all the others who couldn’t stay.

You stand there still, with hands held wide,  
But I wonder how long till you run and hide.  
I need to hear it, again and again,  
Tell me you’ll stay, that this isn’t the end.

Tell me I’m worth it, even when I break,  
That loving me isn’t some kind of mistake.  
Because I’m drowning in fear, sinking so deep,  
And the promises you make aren’t enough for me to keep.

To love me is pain, I know it’s not right,  
But I beg you to hold on, please keep up the fight.  
I want to believe, I want to be free,  
But I’m trapped in this cage of who I can’t be.

And though I make you prove it every day,  
I’ll show you too, in every way—  
That I’m worth this struggle, worth this storm,  
Even as my heart twists and reforms.

I promise I’ll prove I’m worthy of you,  
Even when doubt tears me in two.  
Because though I push, and though I fear,  
I want you close, I need you here.