Waitresses

I like it how you make verse out of an everyday experience, and the honesty of this piece is captivating.

Thanks, I try to use humor, satire, and introspection. Sometimes I don't know how well it comes across, so I'm glad to hear that you liked this poem.

Sheer Brilliance, I love it, I couldn't find one negative (:, Which makes this brilliant

Great work

well better than the others i suppose.

deftness and skill which surpasses the subject matter, and thus this poem reminds me of Charles Bukowski, who could also make this kind of material, wherein the poet might simply be enjoying the sight of a nice arse, and turn it into verse worthy of Whitman. Kudos. Also loved the phrase "minimum wage enthusiasm".

Articulating your inner monologue like this reminds me of Charles - which should be compliment enough for you.

Good work,

Steven

I do appreciate the compliment. And it's not that I don't like compliments, but I want constructive feedback so that I can improve my poetry. And I find that most compliments are really vague and unhelpful.

Bizarre of you to find a compliment unhelpful!

A comment is left at the whim of the commentator - if I was moved to descontruct your poem, I would have done so, however this one was - for me - a nice, enjoyable read.

I didn't feel it was detailed enough to warrant deep criticism (constructive or otherwise). It wasn't full of metaphors or didn't include a particularty complex rhyming scheme - but you know that already.

..this is indeed a worthy poem. However, (as you seem to be begging for more than the usual feedback) for me the flow could be improved - full stops commas, fusing words - are not required and don't gel with this style. Leaving "and" out of your second stanza might also have helped with that flow.
I'm sure cherryred and blondie could have merited some more detailed description but for some reason you seem to flounder or run out of ideas at this point and we race on to the finish. In summary an entertaining read, yet I'm not certain how original your theme is. I'm sure you know it's not the first time a man has viewed the world in this way. With additional description and improved excecution it could have been great work. Hope that's in some way constructive and your ego is intact. There's nothing to defend regarding what I've said by the way.

Other than suggesting that no subject matter is really "original," I appreciate the feedback.

to your poetry that i wanted to tell you about you add description and such detail that you cannot really see it you think that you need compliments when you don't you don't seem to understand the depth that your own words have, it's like your trying to better yourself when your already great.

I don’t like sitting in restaurants alone,
but I like watching waitresses
bend over
tables with fake smiles
and minimum wage enthusiasm.

I watch until the dirt
in my soul
wells up
threatens to choke me
and I want
to vomit out my guts and cock.

I watch and wonder
what’s in their heads,
what’s in their souls,
but mostly what’s in their panties.

I bet blondie has a boyfriend,
and cherryred got laid last night.

I finish my meal,
leave an extra large tip,
because the tannedcheer-leader type
has a cute ass and knows how to walk.
She smiles at me as I leave

and I don’t feel as dirty now.

cheeryred isn't a word nor is tannedcheer. while poetic license is good it really only works on something that could become part of the language.

is "but" needed on L2?

bend over
tables with fake smiles;

the enjambment feels off in the two lines above
would

bend over tables
with fake smiles, help the flow?

is and needed in the last line.

i like the cuteness of it, though one of the feelings i get is that of a solitary sadness. as though eating alone isn't a rare occurrence.

as you say, no subject can ever be original...
i do see originality in how your content is expressed. and the humour you mention.

if you use grammar, i think it should be spot on.
and finally. your use of "I" looks intentional but feels a little forced (unneeded) I,I,I,I caramba.

overall i really enjoyed the read of it and the vinaigrette into an hour of the  diners time. thanks for posting it.