Letter to the Government, Postage Paid

To whom it may concern: 

Do you ever get the unfortunate feeling
people don’t like you much?
Of course, the less unfortunate thing
is you don’t like them back. 

It’s ok as long as the peasants
don’t figure out the game.
I think it’s brilliant,
if you ask me,
which you didn’t because I don’t vote. 

Send more teenagers to the desert,
I’d say with my vote,
if I voted.
After all, they can’t cause too much trouble
over there,
can they?
Send more of them over there
and there will be less of them over here
to use up our gas,
which they bled for after all,
the ungrateful little punks,
driving around in their gas guzzling
army vehicles. 

Speaking of gas,
I got fuel the other day for only
$3.88.
I thought immediately
that I should call my father
to tell him what a
deal
it was.
$3.88 for gas.
Christ, isn’t that a miracle?
Speaking of Christ,
maybe the religious right
could work out a deal
and he could turn our water into
fuel grade petrol.
I mean, doesn’t Jesus hate
them OPEC
and them terrorists?
I wonder, how can Jesus even afford
to fill his tank these days?
I guess the churches
have enough to pay his bills. 

Now that you’ve mentioned OPEC,
I think North Korea
may be hoarding oil.
My intelligence may be faulty.
I say invade now.
If things don’t pan out,
we can always say Saddam was a naughty boy
and we needed to go. 

Saddam is naughty
and OPEC is naughty
and terrorists is naughty.
I say we issue ever American a Hummer III
with an American flag decal
and a “Jesus Loves You” bumper sticker.
Then terrorists can’t win. 

And rifles,
we all need rifles,
with plenty of ammunition
in case Iran comes at us down a dark alley in Chicago at night.
Two rifles a piece,
or three for guys in the army.
They sell them at Walmart.
Rifles, that is, not armies.
Though they could probably make a killing
rolling back prices on mercenaries. 

And liberals too
are causing problems,
you should set up a nice resort
in some beautiful location
like Guantanamo Bay or Eastern Europe. 

Lastly I’d like to say,
there’s been a lot of talk about elections
but don’t you fret,
Hitler never worried about elections,
and look how well he did. 

Signed (Loyally),
John Q. Public