SUBCONSCIOUS  INNER SKETCHINGS BEYOND THE VEIL OF MASKLESS TIME    (4:00am, 8-17-2001; Galveston Island, Texas)

   
   
stirred up from out of    
stone deep sleep    
i suddenly find myself    
somewhere between    
still half asleep    
and half awake    
stumbling through    
three rooms of darkness    
to quench my body s    
inner call of thirst    
which lured me up    
from out of my now already    
unremembered dreams    
into this present limbo    
of silent blankness    
everywhere all around me    
with my eyes still lightly closed    
my bare feet carefully feel    
each softly carpeted step    
as i make my braille like way    
through this nocturnal darkness    
externally surrounding me here  
within me now as well    
to try and avoid    
stepping on either of    
my two  black  manx cat s
semi tailless tails  
sleeping somewhere unseen    
along my wee hour    
zombie like pathway  
into my lightless kitchen    
to get and drink
an invisible glass of water  
to quench my thirsting lately
much too arid dreams  
that i filled and left in my fridge    
earlier this night    
before i went to bed    
in pre anticipation    
of just such a possible    
likely occasion s dry mouth need
as i quickly took and drank in    
seven  slow  deep swallows    
of life s most vital    
precious  healing    
life giving substance 
m ni wiconi  
sacred water of life s
most soothing
quick thirst quenching drink
until my nocturnal dream state s thirst  
felt relieved and satisfied enough      
with eyes still closed    
water now inside my innermost darkness    
within this outer darkness as well    
my mind not thinking at all    
only aware of my present state    
of silent blindness here now    
to which i respond    
by only slightly opening my eyes    
just enough    
to grab my little writing tablet    
i keep with a pen by my bed    
to drag it s pages    
one at a time    
back and forth    
like a net    
open and empty    
through distant  deeper  inner currents    
constantly flowing through my head    
a simple  physical screen    
to cast and catch and filter out    
such minute  inner  micro plankton    
of inner thoughts and feelings translated into    
all these    
all my    
seemingly never ending    
spontaneously languaged spills    
of subliminal stirrings therein    
as my pen in hand slowly trawls in    
whatever moonlight it can    
as it quietly beams and falls    
through my open  bedroom window    
to only faintly illumine    
and help make more legible    
though still barely visible    
dark shadow line s  scratchily flowing  inky trail    
flowing out freely from the tip of my pen s    
mysterious but innately natural    
creatively expressive dance    
as it dances it s hyper erratic    
scratch mark s varying textures    
across the ghostly  pale  white surface    
of each and every    
thin  rectangular    
blank canvas  sheet of paper    
patiently waiting  off in the unseen  peripheral wings    
hungrily awaiting to receive and record    
down into physically manifested form    
whatever tales  stories    
multi dimensional  abstract impressions    
songs  word paintings or poems they can    
to simply create and provide    
for myself  for anyone    
for everyone    
or perhaps even    
for no one at all    
these hopefully more visually    
more tangible and readable    
physical artifacts    
to leave behind  me here    
long after i myself am gone    
no longer here in this my current    
lifetime s 3 d   only temporal    
present being s physical form    
like a skittering polygraph needle    
or like a seismographic needle s    
zig zag  sharp angular tracings    
picked up from subtle nerve impulse s    
electrical fingerprint signature s    
of earth s innermost rumblings    
released in the essence    
of  in and with each and every    
of my freely arisen    
newly spilled words    
in erratically dynamic    
but still somewhat poetic    
kinetic fluctuations    
of electromagnetic energy    
or like the jagged horizon line scratches    
made and left by an e k g needle    
when electrodes are sensing    
troubled inner rhythms  of the heart    
troubled rhythms express themselves    
in many forms    
yet the lines of ink    
that leave my pen    
are often as vague  fragile and thin    
as black spiderwebs    
spun and strewn out stretched    
across each and every dim lit page    
making them even more similarly like    
the naturally beautiful    
thin  linear  organic tracings    
created by the dancing tips    
of countless blades of dancing beach grass    
leaving their concentric patterns    
in wind blown  carved circles    
circles sketched out in hot sand    
both by intensely strong    
and delicately soft and gentle    
gulf coast breaths of salty breezes and winds    
yet along with something else unseen    
though often times sensed and felt    
much greater  mysterious  profound    
ineffable force beyond    
more deeply expressed within    
the resonant  rippling side effects    
of creator s creation creating    
in infinitely fractaling ways    
the constantly ever evolving continuum    
of what and of everything    
it itself experientially as this creation also feels    
with radiant joy  love  light and beauty    
extending vibrationally out and in    
through and throughout us all    
and everything that is    
and exists within    
all the intangible grace and beauty    
of this oneness s transcendent truth    
in and of this inseparable  higher consciousness s    
eventual  inevitable    
more fully awakened oneness awareness    
of and with everything    
with all that is herein    
within and of the even greater    
great mystery s    
true eventual return    
hopefully for us all someday    
one day ahead    
but preferably sooner    
than later    
up until and whenever    
our present global    
no longer sustainable at all    
completely disconnected    
so called reality s    
unawakened  still sleeping mass s    
self destructive  all destructive    
mad ego mind driven agendas    
hopefully  will soon all begin    
to finally all wind down    
whenever my sleep s deeper tides    
may ever begin to suddenly rise up higher    
here within me again    
to re quicken and trigger    
my second transformational    
spiritual re awakening    
to come and so sweetly reclaim me    
to come and steal me away    
one day  someday    
from our collective species    
now increasingly struggling    
rampantly failing  rapidly dying    
old  so called reality s    
deadly toxic paradigm    
which i saw in a dream    
i had earlier tonight    
but which i ve also long seen    
experienced and known    
throughout almost every day    
and year of my life    
until just now that is    
whereupon that mere thought    
it now suddenly seems as if    
all my most recently arisen    
subconscious impression s    
restless  disturbing feelings and thoughts    
have now at last begun to wind down    
as sleep s deeper tides    
now seem and appear    
to have so quietly come back around    
to rise  reclaim and release me    
yet once again here tonight    
where the still sleeping world    
outside my bedroom window s    
late night  wee hour    
unexpected    
nocturnal calling to me here    
which now seems to be slowly    
lapsing  fading and sinking away    
while the much larger  external world out there    
still remains separate and totally detached from me    
as it s muted  soft  grave like darkness    
now so mindlessly  so thoughtlessly    
sweeps over and through me    
releasing me more fully    
back into and through    
the newly re quickened    
higher consciousness awareness    
entirety of my eternal    
spirit and soul s true being    
now being so quickly    
swept off and away    
returning me back into    
more mindless  more thoughtless    
deep  restful sleep again    
back into completely unconscious    
sweet  blessed erasure    
once more    
as my pen gently slips    
from my unconscious grip    
falling silently down    
through the darkness    
without a sound to be heard at all    
by anyone in this world    
not even by me    
as it falls like a burnt out dream rocket    
down to the carpeted floor below    
for i am set free here at last    
so blessedly gone    
released and returned again    
back into the boundless depths    
of that merciful  ever mysterious    
timeless  formless void    
of transformational    
higher vibrational    
transitioning again    
at least it presently seems    
and feels that way to me    
that is    
at least until    
i awaken again    
sometime    
tomorrow    
morning