Not brave enough

10 to 9 at night, 
On a balcony by the beach. 
Wind ruffling hair, 
Misery sucking, like a leech. 
Dragging on a cigarette, 
In the freezing cold. 
No one to talk to, 
No one to hold. 
Blue eyes streaming, 
Tears turning to ice, 
Each ignored message, 
Another stinging slice. 
Looking around, 
Making sure no one's there. 
No one to stop it,
No one to care. 
Faces running through a mind, 
No one jumps out, 
Walking towards the shoreline, 
Not a single shout. 
The waves lap at leather clad feet,
Still not feeling the chill. 
Start to have second thoughts, 
But the mind is still. 
Fully clothed, 
Taking a swim, 
The more immersed, 
The more the cold gets in. 
No turning back, 
No changing of heart. 
Shouts of the mind, 
A heart torn apart. 
Swims away, 
Till there's nothing but blue all around. 
Tearing a mind from its fantasy, 
I turn round. 
Walk back to the bar, 
Where I'm sitting alone. 
A room devoid of life, 
And a silent phone. 
I'm not that brave anymore, 
I used to be. 
Not brave enough anymore, 
To set a fucked-up mind free.