Journal Entry - Balancing the roles of mother and woman

The heaviness of my eyelids reminds me of the balance I must maintain. My exhaustion comes not just from the physical demands of motherhood but from the emotional tug-of-war between my roles as a mother and a woman with needs for affection.
 
Ava, my little bundle of joy, is everything to me. Each giggle, each cry, each moment spent rocking her to sleep is a gift. But as I tend to her needs, I think of the pleasure I felt the night before in the arms of a lover. When a man gives his all, I felt the surge of life, a reminder that beneath the spit-up stained shirts and dirty diapers, I am still Lauryn, a woman with a heart that beats for love and connection.
 
In the quiet hours of the morning, as I nurse Ava and reflect on the night before, I realize that the attention I give to any action must be in due proportion to its worth. I can't pour the same intensity into every act; I must measure my energy, or I will deplete myself before the day has even begun. I must accept that there are no lesser actions in my life right now. Every act is necessary—from the feeding of my child to the sharing of my love with others.
 
I'm learning that giving time, the most valuable and least renewable of resources, is a practice in mindfulness and self-compassion. I must be present with Ava, giving her the care and love she needs to thrive. And I must also be present with my lover, allowing myself to experience the warmth and passion that comes from being with someone who sees me not just as a mother, but a woman.
 
I choose to embrace all facets of my life. I will not give in or give up, for I know the worth of each action. For Ava, my undying love and care. For myself, to be a woman able to give and receive love.  This is my journey, one of motherhood, womanhood, and the sweet dance between the two.