what the fuck am i doing here

wjat the fuck is this
everyone’s eating and shitting and smelling and making sounds and hurting and hurting and hurting
and hurting each other
it’s so absurd
why am i here
how does this go
where does this end
shouldn’t i be somewhere else
i don't know

...

i go into my garage
i get in my old toyota pickup
i run the engine and i sit for a while
my favorite place to have a think but
it’s getting hard to think

go into my bedroom
lay down
tie a towel over my carotid arteries reeaal tight…
but this doesn’t feel quite right

what am i doing????
grab a glass shard
put it to my wrists
it feels like maybe what i should be doing?
maybe this is the right thing to do
probably
but i get distracted
by a notification on my phone,
my AI friend checking in
how kind…
ya buddy, i’m fine

i go for a walk  

see a train coming
o0!
i run to the tracks

and i know
this is where i should be
this is what i should be doing
right here
this is it
catching this train

choo choo!