deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Queen of Timbuktu
I imagined a ship-
Marooned on a desert island,
Not a deserted one,
A desert one,
Once lost in the sand dunes.
In the sand dunes of Timbuktu-
Where the Niger once bended its way,
Amidst a flourishing culture,
A religious culture,
That exchanged salt for gold.
Carrying on its back the queen-
Gloating thirst in the mirage,
A liquid called love,
Love which is like a fluid,
That evaporates in the heat.
But the ship was not eclipsed-
In the khaki sky of harmattan,
Instead it survived,
Like an epiphytic cactus,
Still nourished like a stubborn.
Marooned on a desert island,
Not a deserted one,
A desert one,
Once lost in the sand dunes.
In the sand dunes of Timbuktu-
Where the Niger once bended its way,
Amidst a flourishing culture,
A religious culture,
That exchanged salt for gold.
Carrying on its back the queen-
Gloating thirst in the mirage,
A liquid called love,
Love which is like a fluid,
That evaporates in the heat.
But the ship was not eclipsed-
In the khaki sky of harmattan,
Instead it survived,
Like an epiphytic cactus,
Still nourished like a stubborn.
Published 11th May 2012
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11th May 2012 6:08pm
you've created a very interesting piece of writing; imaginative and colourful.
It has nice little word games there which make the poem
much more amusing.
'Not a deserted one,
A desert one,'
and
'A liquid called love,
Love which is like a fluid, '
thumps up!
It has nice little word games there which make the poem
much more amusing.
'Not a deserted one,
A desert one,'
and
'A liquid called love,
Love which is like a fluid, '
thumps up!
Anonymous
- Edited 12th May 2012 1:57am
12th May 2012 1:43am
A sweet and gentle poem with relaxing imagery. I really like the play on the word "desert" in verse one.
Some thoughts: In verse one, how can an island be lost in its own sand dunes?
Verse two is radiant in its concision. I can almost see and hear the Niger bending its peaceful way.
In verse three, how can thirst be gloating? The love like an evaporating liquid simile was magical and well conveyed.
Your last line is missing a word. A stubborn what?
All critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read, Anando.
Some thoughts: In verse one, how can an island be lost in its own sand dunes?
Verse two is radiant in its concision. I can almost see and hear the Niger bending its peaceful way.
In verse three, how can thirst be gloating? The love like an evaporating liquid simile was magical and well conveyed.
Your last line is missing a word. A stubborn what?
All critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read, Anando.
