The Shepherd’s Reply To The Nymph (The Conversation Continues)

 
Christopher Marlowe:  
The Passionate Shepherd To His Love.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44675/the-passionate-shepherd-to-his-love
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Sir Walter Raleigh:
The Nymph’s Reply To The Shepherd
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44939/the-nymphs-reply-to-the-shepherd
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Alexander Jones: (Me 🙃)
The Shepherd’s Reply To The Nymph

Well, fuck off, then, you rotten cow,
I wouldn't want to have you now.
If you'd prefer a richer man,
go find the sucker – if you can!
 
You're fucking ugly, just a dog,
your breath stinks like a fetid bog.
your teeth are yellow, black and green –
your gob's the worst I've ever seen!
 
You've legs just like two skinny twigs,
your nose reminds me of a pig's ,
and under it's a fine moustache!
It's hard to tell if you're a lass!
 
Your eyes resemble pools of piss,
your voice is like a viper's hiss,
so listen here, and this is true:
I'd sooner shag my sheep than you!
 
No doubt you've blown a thousand cocks,
no doubt your cunt is filled with pox.
If I so much as held you close,
I'd end up with a nasty dose.
 
I'd rather be a long time dead
than wake up next to you in bed
and realise for all my life
a bitch like you would be my wife.

 
🙃