Exhausted

Exhausted. Tired. Looking forward leaving, destructing, not achieving, uncompromising. Uncompromising? Boundlessly free...

I mean what the fuck do I care what you may or may not think about myself or about who I am.

I am here.

I'm struggling, fighting to become a full human being.

My goal is not to prove you wrong or to go against your standards, against the bricks you used to build your life and assert your self.

My goal is to build my own, to complete the man I am.

I can't just be walking on stilts, fearing at every moment I might step on one of your sacred conceptions. I can't do that, but it doesn't mean I have no love for you.

You can't use love to pull me back, or forward, or however you want to phrase it.

I'm running with no eyes, trying to find the truths that continually elude me. I just can't defend the validity of your truths while searching for mine.

I can not build my life between your dots,

make my home within the space that is left. I can't.

Love can be binding.

Failure is your own idea of what failing means, and you are sure of it, and it is fine. I need my own idea, though.

Let me explain one thing to you:

Not accepting your ideas doesn't mean I don't accept your love. I cherish it. But don't let me use it as an excuse for not running my own risks. Don't let me do that,

it is too easy to use you as a justification;

in the future, it will be too easy to blame you for the things I never tried because I wasn't brave enough; when I rationalize this, many years from now, the only reason for not doing them will be your love.

You see, my mind protects me

and blames you.

It is a setup.

Don't be caught in it.