Homesick

The smell of rain on a black top road, I used to hate.
For some reason now, I love it.

Growing up our house was musty, it gave me migraines as a child.
I watch my mother and my step dad both slump in their chairs asking for cabbage soup and I can't contain my emotions.
The same musty smell, the same house, I'm gonna miss when the cancer and the long covid steal them from me.
I hate death!
I hate change!

I just cannot contain my heart.
It's times like these I wish couldn't feel.
I wish I couldnt remember and hold dear a lot of things I took for granted in the past.

Just being around them, a flood overtakes my heart and I can't help but see all that I'm gonna miss.
I know it's selfishness to say this, but I wish God would take me first.