the breath between these meds that don't work

These edges are frayed  
and I snap at the brush  
of your words on my skin  
because these are the days
of enemy winds  
and I can't tell the difference  
between friends and foe  
 
I say fuck too much  
I say bitch too much  
I called you a cunt  
and didn't mean it  
 
I screamed in silence  
and broke you
with the intensity  
of the things I can't say  
 
I am drowning
in an ocean of myself  
and the drugs don't work  
to cap the nerve endings  
that tell me this ocean  
is on fire  
and so it feels like I'm burning  
as I drown  
 
And I'm tired  
so tired
of your anger  
at the pain I won't bury  
just to ease your peace of mind  
because I have spent a lifetime  
digging graves for myself  
and if there is a coffin nail  
at the end of this  
I won't be the one to strike it  
with a hammer  
that bears my name  
 
These edges are frayed  
and I am unraveling  
and I wonder what you see  
when I can only give you
the worst of me