5x7

 
I’ve always wanted to be able
to draw
to paint
to render in picture perfect portrait
a moment
so flowers will live forever
or as forever as the blades of the brush strokes cut into the canvass will last
 
but I remember that I’m careless with
with beauty and my clumsy hands
often cling too tight to make anything
more than a mess of it all
 
I’d still try
if it meant I could capture
the moment I broke your heart again
because even amidst the ravages of agony
you
you’re still beautiful
while our promises are bile in my mouth
I want to take it all back
paint the happiness of before
run time in rewind until you’re with me
on my lap our foreheads pressed together
young love blossoms
on the vines of a bleeding heart
 
we were an open wound
all fuck-me now energy
no guiding light
just dark grinding need
a plane crash with two survivors
that left charred and battered
the imprints of the steering wheel still
crushed into my rib cage
 
my trembling fingers grip the brush
to dip in blood so I can paint a picture
worth more than all these petty words