unblind

and it’s always been this      
way between us      
the skies of armageddon      
crashing around our      
tangled silhouette    
as I exhale enough sepia to      
blanche the night sky in      
need,      
fury,      
savage      
goddamn      
splendor    
     
you      
     
I fuck myself      
thinking of you.      
     
and there’s no need      
to prove shit with some      
grand hyperbole      
because ignorance is      
succumbing to the way your      
calloused hands traced the scars      
on my suntanned legs in the back of      
a pickup truck last summer    
     
until  the world turned to see      
why I moaned your name like      
     
redemption      
     
and the tattoos on the front of your thighs      
are embedded on my the backs of mine    
from the night we spoke
fully entwined
in poetry
and pain      
   
until we killed      
the old gods      
and fucked ourselves      
an afterlife      
on the blasphemed      
ground      
     
you are in every song      
every sunset and sunrise      
every breeze from the ocean      
and all the shit from that band you like,      
fuck.    
It’s all so blasé after us.    
Just blah blah blah,      
fuck that assbag of stupid shit.    
     
you are silent footsteps      
behind me      
that I know will      
never catch up again      
     
because      
you could have deserved me      
(you could have)    
(you did)    
   
but I didn’t deserve this.      
     
and you counter with      
caustic cliches as if I      
never watched you cut      
your chest open with a chainsaw      
     
as if I didn’t stick my tongue      
in your mouth as you      
bled out into words      
in ways that haunt me still      
     
(and you leave me with a      
goddamn moonless sky      
like a neophyte trying      
to get laid once before he dies.)      
     
I will stare opened-eyed      
at the the sun and pray for    
a second fucking eclipse    
before I empower beautiful    
mediocrity    
between us  
     
all this to say    
all this to fucking say    
     
my body aches      
for your last touch      
my mind aches  
for you to    
more than  
meager words  
(fuck i need you)  
   
but you’d have to reach      
out for me      
   
and I’d have to    
look back to  
see you,      
     
I stared as the sun  
until my mind covered  
the space of the moon  
and it left my      
eyes too weak      
to see      
if your hands      
twitch to touch  
a phantom limb      
     
it left me too      
blind to see      
if you      
reach for me      
     
one      
last      
time