finality

16 of 30


they don't warn you about finals
the final time you see their face filled with laughter
kiss & hug them with a smiling I'll see you later
nothing is mentioned about the pain
looking back at that last casual departure

or how your heart will be gripped in a fist of remorse
so tight you can't get any oxygen
the fire in your throat
burning the inner lining to cinders
from all the emotion you're holding in
because release may come in a flood so ferocious
you'll be utterly swept away
with every stuttering thump of your heart...you know this

the anger burning in your gut at the injustice
denied the opportunity to truly say goodbye
...meaningfully...more so than any time previously
what was the last thing said...
...was it enough
shouldn't there be some sort of commemoration
for such a portentous occasion

how many times you'll get excited to share an experience...
...rushing off to tell them...only to falter & halt
with your words still locked in your mouth
and the only way they'll hear them now
is through the mists of immortal aether
as you whisper them through saline streaks
breathing grief in every broken syllable

nobody tells you how the memories will blur
like rain obscuring the view outside a window
how their voice will fade...but never their words
or how the tears will sting & blind you
until the image of that last moment is frozen
encased in an icy hell of untouchable beauty
and you can't go back
...can't make it more momentous
marking it with a feeling more befitting its legendary status

they're simply...gone
an empty space in your existence
leaving a sequence of finalities...
beyond your recall or comprehension
how does time move so stealthily
stealing tomorrows...laters...everything
just that one...when you thought you'd get another

nothing prepares you for visits in your dreams
when they sit with you & chat just as they always did
their face before you...exactly as you remember
pure joy & love surrounding your being
until you wake...& are reminded of the night
you got the call saying he'd died
ripping the scab off the barely healed wound
knowing only...
...like a phantom limb...
...you'll experience the loss over & over again...
...for as long as you live