'The Selfish Man's ADHD"

It’s raining…
The smell is one of the best aromas. I can feel the coolness in the air.
I’m in a desolate land where no one, not even my past, can get near.
The voices are gone, and all that’s left is you.
You, who I’ve put to the side, while I try to learn how to arise to the task I can’t seem to fully satisfy,.
I feel like Hellen Keller because,  as much as I see and hear it, it never gets through, and I can’t see it clearly.
In your eyes, I see the tears. Flood gates that are about to burst from the pressure.
Once, these eyes were so full of love. Are now just resentment, regret, and despair.
And as much as I am the "jack of all trades," this is something I don’t think I can quite repair.
The voices are back. I need to go for a ride—to the bar or somewhere else. It’s too crowded here.
Yet here I stand alone, solemnly me, in my own playwriting that I can’t even understand.
I'm not even the main character, because I didn't even audition. Yet I was thrown on stage with no rehearsal, not even a sliver of time to attempt to learn the script. Meanwhile, no one other than the director knows. So fuck, I guess I’ll do my best?
Ahhh, fuck it!!! JUST WING IT... Ah, fuck, here we go.
More voices were invited.
If they keep inviting more, I think we’ll have to take on a riot.
Yet, there’s no riot control in me; just subtle begs for no more transgression.
All the succession that's in me. Who's actually in charge?
Who’s running the show?
Hell, just look at him! His girl doesn’t even know...
Fuck I did it again.
I started off with her, and here I go again. Doing nothing but talking and worrying about me.
Why am I more important than her?
Why does she walk on a path of coals?  However, instead of trying to throw water or even reach out to pull her off the path,.
I sit back and just observe.
I just kneel over so I can get low enough—just enough to blow.
Helping increase the temperature of the embers as our love turns more and more into ashes.
All the ashes—not one urn on this planet—could be withheld.
I’m back from the bar.
The voices are fucking winning,😂
Maybe I’ll distract myself with TV, music, games, etc.
Fuck!!! Why do I, like the Romans' creation of all these things, try to distract the populace from what’s such a shame?
Destroying myself yet turning to everything else to make me forget, till the next day till it starts again.
Isn’t it ironic how history repeats itself until it’s actually resolved?
1,2,3,… 10.
10 ibuprofen! For no hangover tomorrow, that should do the job.
However, how can I have a hangover if I can’t ever go to sleep?
Fuck I did it again, you selfish fuck; it’s about her, not you and me.
There’s that look again.
Back to the streets...
Wondering and wondering like a Gypsie with no destination.
Wherever I land, I make my home, and that is until the next location.
Wherever I go, I just seem to cause destruction and chaos.
As much as I try my hardest to do my best, it always seems to end in a complete mess.
Why not fix it and also “myself”?
The love you had for me, as I can see, is already put away and put on a shelf.
Fuck I’m drunk; damn, another night out past 4 a.m.
Where am I going next?
Somewhere I can possibly get shot, stabbed, or killed?
The hood, the east side, and the after-hour spots are filled with such hell.
Why do you want to die so badly?
Why couldn’t you just end it yourself? Instead of waiting for life to do it,.
You’re a pussy; it’s true, no misunderstanding. Favorite brand: Nike. Guess I guess I "just do it.".
Fuck I have been doing it this whole time. Just talking and thinking about me. Instead of how I should be worried about you.
I see the hurt in your eyes.
The voices subside.
It’s raining again...
The smell is one of the best aromas. I can feel the coolness in the air.
It’s what I’ve learned to get used to, cause all the destruction I cause, and put people through it.
I’m in a desolate land where no one, not even my past, can get near.
The voices are gone. I’m feeling empty. Self-cause, because I did this again...
I’m helpless, defenseless, lost, and troubled.
As a consequence, you're like a Rubix cube. I can’t figure you out. Henceforth, it's left me so bewildered.
Out of all the people I try to make myself better with by doing the most, I miss the bigger picture.
Until I, The Revenant, realize it again.
All that's ultimately left, is you.