belief

9 of 30  
   
   
when I was at my lowest point  
he asked me what I believe in    
I said I didn't really know anymore & he snorted    
no wonder you're such a fucking mess  
you have to believe in something  
do more than just exist  
   
point taken...and yet...  
   
since that conversation  
I've done a lot of thinking on the matter  
gone over in mind what feels right  
as an emotional creature...I follow my instincts  
I now have a partial answer...  
it will expand over time...you understand    
   
I believe I determine my own value  
by my choices & actions  
in allowing others to tell me who I am  
...or not...as the case may be  
by the weight I put on their opinions  
for all things pertaining to me  
   
I believe I deserve no more from others  
than I myself am willing to give  
the mirror of self reflection  
leaving me no more worthy than them  
I don't know about karma but...  
perhaps it's that golden rule effect  
   
I believe in the power of forgiveness    
and its ability to help us breathe    
that it's not an act of selflessness  
actually the opposite holds true  
it's taking care of my own healing  
by cutting the burden of others loose  
   
I believe in something beyond my understanding
gods & goddesses    
balance of good & evil  
all around...& within me  
it's a great responsibility  
knowing I hold the power of both in my mortal hands  
   
I believe I'll never stop learning    
or making mistakes    
I will do so until the day I die  
that fucking up & getting back up  
are all a part of growth  
the errors don't matter...only the lessons  
   
I believe he was wrong  
I'm not a fucking mess  
I am an incredible loving spirit  
gossamer wings & iridescent eyes  
an ancient soul barely a day old  
trapped in this beautifully damaged life