so easy for me...

6 of 30

as the weak light of false dawn
hung wavering...noncommittal...
in the shadows of my darkened room
I stared up at the ceiling
knowing somewhere up there
...had to be a light
& I thought of him
how much...how very fucking much...
I only wanted to love him
just that
no expectations...possession...or obsession
I don't do pedestals...
perching his humanity beyond reach of reality
might as well balance on the tip of a blade
no...that's a guaranteed fall from grace
I prefer truth
unfiltered & unchanged
...welcoming him as is
a pure longing...simple as that
...to gaze upon his beauty
eyes overflowing with emotion
not imagining perfection
...never that...
aware in every way possible
of the many cracks in his fractured being
the fault lines running through his life
threatening uncertainty...instability
& the aura of his love
a vibrant radiant thing
like an embrace on a sunless day
we are...all of us...damaged creatures
how hard can it be...
to love...without an agenda
suspending all judgment
it's all I really wanted
just to love him...with all his imperfections...in perfect honesty
yes...I witnessed his struggles
& the armor he habitually wore
...so similar to my own
truth is...this warrior...
I love him still
...perhaps I always will