mom's badassery

4 of 30


she was born to a family who had no use for daughters
doting on 3 sons...little girl practically forgotten
shuffled off to live with relatives & boarding school
because her own parents didn't know what to do with her
...or maybe they just couldn't be bothered

I used to believe she was incredibly sheltered
so much in life seemed to shock her
turns out...that wasn't it...
she was reared to be seen...keep quiet & be pretty
most importantly...expected to marry
...within or above her supposed station
thus removing herself from her parents' responsibility

much of her life was a mystery to me
...she never really spoke of her history
until an unexpected conversation forced me to rethink
my daughter & I wanted to take part in a peaceful protest march
plans were being made when I got mom's call
please...don't go to that demonstration
I have a very bad feeling
I was nearly shot in the Watts riots...

wait...hold up...what the fuck...
what had my timid little mother been up to...
& then she told me the story
{which I'm not ready to share...}
we didn't attend...as she had tearfully requested
{turns out she was right...
we watched on the news how that march unraveled
into something far from peaceful that night}

realizing how little we really knew about mom
we started trying to chronicle her life
a sort of biography...if you like
to get experiences & stories from her onto paper
so resistant to speaking...
she kept so much locked behind her teeth
{except her redheaded temper...}
then one day it hit me...
she was brought up in a house...not a home
taught her thoughts & her feelings had no value
she simply had no reason to believe
...her stories worth hearing
which started us all on a much different journey...in learning...& healing
a lifetime of resentment & frustration slowly began to fade
understanding...at last...taking its place
statements she'd made through the years
quickly took on a whole other texture
when viewed through the lens of her mute & lonely existence

as the dutiful daughter she'd followed the rules set upon her...
...until the day she married my father
surrounding herself with his kin
a passionate, compassionate bunch of pranksters
...disguised as plain & simple farmers
to her they must have seemed quite foreign
rowdy & loud...& amazing
but there she was...head over tail in love
...with all of them
welcomed fully for being...herself
& against the rigid wishes of her folks...she followed her heart
arriving far below their expectations
{but far above where she'd been raised}
becoming even more...the unwanted daughter

she walked through that fire
...all her life
& the only thing that nearly broke her
...was losing my father
for that...I absolutely cannot fault her
& I'm so very proud of who she is now...how far she's come
loving her all the more
for trusting me with that knowledge





apologies for the length...I couldn't condense what needed saying any further...