BUSTED SEAMS    (10-15-1989; Del Mar, California)

   
     
somewhere between truth    
and perceived reality    
somewhere between    
technology and biology    
all of us so long lost at sea    
here in this great tempest of imbalances    
my mind flew long ago amuck    
so tired of struggling    
against my true nature s grain    
in trying to achieve    
any semblance of an even keel    
here in this mad hatter s dog eat dog  
overly competitive  capitalistic  
consumerist  material culture and society s  
so called  pseudo reality  
in which i presently don t even clearly know  
what i think or feel anymore  
in which and in whose   
ordered systems  
all only continue  
to increasingly further  
suffocate and strangle me    
and whose ever worsening lack and deficiency  
of other more diverse freedoms  
and free will choices  
as available options  
to simply do my own thing  
only further entangled me  
more deeply into  
this festering sense  
of life s greater loss of meaning  
and lostness of myself  
of who it is i even am here anymore   
with all of us so caught up    
overwrought    
in never ending conflicts    
of morals  rights  laws and definitions    
confused  trapped and torn    
somewhere between the complexities    
of science  politics  religion    
logic  wisdom  
self and mass perception  
delusion  clarity  truth  
and varying degrees  
of ever increasing insanity  
virulently infecting the greater whole  
where we are all  
so caught up  
swept away in  
so helplessly  
so hopelessly consumed by  
and in  
the infinite complexities  
of this temporal  
illusory world  
in which we all come and go  
live and die in  
where our choices seem    
increasingly fewer  
and fewer  
than ever before    
wherein it seems to me  
that the lives  
which most of humanity  
are forced to live these days  
are increasingly more and more  
lives of continuous survival  
along with all the    
struggles  hardships and challenges  
that lives of constant survival bring  
rather than the much better  
more balanced    
more joyous and free  
finer  higher quality lives  
which lives of more fully and truly  
living life bring  
yet wherein at the same time  
these days it seems  
even our once  
much more free will choices to do so  
to more freely be able to choose between      
truly living or only mere survival these days  
with most of us either  
feeling completely lost  
or stuck in this mass paralytic limbo    
somewhere between straight jackets    
and or these open skies above  
in which our choices and options  
seem to be and are  
ever increasingly further diminishing  
gradually all being taken away  
replaced by the soullessly heartless  
invisible  greater  mass status quo machinery  
of those unseen  greater powers that be  
which leaves me here  
along with everyone else  
stuck here on this slowly sinking earth ship  
without any life vest or lifeboat  
nor not much  if any  
choices  nor hope left at all  
of escape or finding any way out  
of saving my life  
all our lives  
for those of us who  
can  will or already are  
awakened enough to more fully  
see and know the bigger picture view  
of what s really going on  
in our lives  in this world today  
which i intuitively already sense  
will most likely only get increasingly  
far worse in this our present now s  
ongoing unfolding continuous now s  
timeless  evolving or devolving
so called future  
in which perhaps  
at least some of us  
might come to find or see  
some brighter  more hopeful  
transcendent way out  
from it s dark  evil matrix s  
increasingly soulless  heartless agenda  
as i wrestle myself into ever deeper    
states of depression and failing health    
where all my greatest joys    
and remaining beauty in my life    
now all seem just distant memories      
here on this overcrowded sunday night bus    
where cultural barriers    
uncomfortably stare around at each other    
in silent judgment and ignorant fear    
through all their unspoken cultural boundaries    
as illiterates bray    
over the bursts and slurs    
of untreated schizophrenics and alcoholics    
along with everyone else    
of all classes  stripes and walks    
some of whom seem to be apathetically content    
stewing and wasting insanely away    
for the rest of their living days    
in their own equally lost    
but self chosen  co created    
inner and outer worlds    
of hopelessly intractable madness    
as two dozen nervous noses    
reluctantly sniff in the stale bus air    
as if to confirm what their suspicious    
eyes and minds have already pre judged    
at each red stop light    
random  expensive  luxury cars    
pull up beside us    
here on this public bus    
either staring in disgust    
or ignoring us all together    
as if we little people don t even exist    
then as the lights turn green    
they all speed by around us    
leaving us in a cloud of their dust    
like high dollar signs    
as they zoom off    
into these trendy night streets    
of pseudo ritzy  coastal del mar    
in a pretentious  intentional display    
of their cold  stuffy arrogance    
well insulated  and safely enclosed    
in long limousines    
and in their very expensive luxury cars    
in dramatic contrast to me sitting here    
in my bare  dirty feet    
and holey jeans    
after a day at the beach fully being me    
now here heading home    
on this low income public transit bus    
yes  this is my present reality    
stuck somewhere between such social extremes    
where it seems everything    
is increasingly bursting    
at it s disparate seams    
everything  everywhere increasingly    
throughout this world it seems    
with all of us now    
so long lost at sea
so to speak 
displaced from true life    
from true living    
so hopelessly disconnected
here within this crazy world
we ve created for ourselves
where we re all feeling
increasingly confused
exhausted  uncertain
and fearfully lost
here in this relentless
ever more rapidly decaying
seemingly never ending
man made  great tempest    
of imbalances