(34) Silent Suicide 01.21.24 @ 1:13pm

Shadows feed off my self esteem.
Depression ignites by the line.
Shattered glass pipes, life’s bleak.
Line after line, I’m feeling weak.

Sorrow on the rocks, tequila sunrise.
Every loss adds on to the pain.
Everything in life is on record, nothing’s private.
Searching for life’s purpose in a slurred point of view.

Trapped in an endless cycle of stimulant abuse.
If not for my addictions, would this nightmare intrigue you?
Three years soon became a decade.
The constant attempt to escape my reality.

Sadness reflects off the moonlight.
Mourning the night away, till sunrise.
Embracing my high like everyday’s my last day.
Sobriety is a fucking joke.

Destroying my mind with every line I snort.
Disintegrating my organs with every drink.
It’s a lonesome world I’ve inhabited.
Repetitive routine on borrowed time.

Hope’s gone up in smoke.
Guilt isn't a thing when I’m on coke.
Behind my reflection, an addict stares back mockingly;
Telling me he’s got plans for me, accordingly.

Nostrils filled to the max with white powder.
It’s all fun and games in the beginning.
Eventually everything reaches an end.
Contemplating life as I pass by these houses.

Lost in this life with resentment in my heart.
Wishing I had love, trust and serenity.
Bitter emotions rising high like statistics.
Potential fell down like autumn leaves.

California chemicals are bottomless.
Grams, eights, quarters, kilos & pounds.
Fading away by the pint, I’m hellbound.
Fuck your rehab pamphlet, I lost faith.

Transparent clouds full of past memories.
Discarded by the world, painful living.
Behind closed doors, awaits memorable pain.
Hoping I win the battle against cocaine.

Nobody in this world sees me as human.
My pupil’s been spiraling for about fourteen years.
Is that what’s causing them fear?
Popping the cap of this bottle, buzzing daily.

Elevation surreal like the Burj Khalifa suicide.
Line after line, day and night.
Will the reaper make it hail bullets?
Will he take me with cyanide, causing a silent suicide?

Only time will tell.
I had enough of life, I’m ready to say farewell.
I’m always going to be out of place.
Never will I ever fit in this world.

I learned to accept defeat.
I realized there is no hope.
All I have is sorrow and dope.
Waiting for my time, I’m tired of getting high.