deepundergroundpoetry.com

Daze

 

Iíve triggered a daze
At least in my vocabulary
Thatís what Iíve chosen to call it
Because dissociative depersonalization-derealization disorder
Really doesnít have the same ring to it

Have you ever read a paragraph but
Realized afterwards you didnít absorb any of the information from the words?
So you went back and tried again
And maybe this time implemented more focus

Thatís what my days have become
Unfortunately time can not be reread more carefully
And my daze steals days again
All because Iíve written about the days my daze first began

And in looking back I face a conundrum
I wonder if my current daze is in the same
Wavelength as my past one
If my mind is taken to the same place
As she was

Or if this daze is far away from the long ago haze
My past self spent years inside
And if I will find myself closer or farther
To her the more I lean into this foggy
Existential dream like world that mimics reality
Is it the same one where she dwelled?

Letting myself slip back there feels like hell

Iíve finally made a safe place for myself
And thought that I could now take the time
To mend all of the pushed down, shoved out, ugly, maddening, atrocious feelings

But then the daze came with them
And Iíve already given so many days to the daze
My own mind doesnít believe it has the capacity to process my pain
Without feeling this way
And thereís this glaze over my eyes
That looks upon the haven Iíve created
And tells me it isnít mine

I guess Iíll begin again

*Take a deep breathe*

At the first line
Written by Isgyppie_ (L.C. McQuillen)
Published
Author's Note
DPDR
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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