Journal Entry ( Little Girl/Crazy Hair) 1/2

1/2
I stopped journaling and writing all together for a bit. During the short break, I went looking for "the girl," you know, the one I let go of to meet the needs of a life that required my adult wife/mother version (which in itself is absolutely full of beautiful memories I will always cherish) Anyway, I volunteered at the stable I spent many a teenage years in, the smell of horses, the birds singing in the rafters as I carried buckets to empty and refill with fresh water. Literally I cried daily, the nostalgia of being back there, my heart was so full of gratitude for the opportunity to live in that moment again.
I know when Shari reviewed the stable footage she probably thought I was a depressed mess, quite the opposite of emotions actually.
When I called her to see if I could work for free, she really couldn't understand the concept.  
I told her what a blessing it would be just to be there again, just to be able to saddle the horses, dump grain, avoid the attitudes of snotty mares, ride?
The first morning I showed up at eight, as soon as I entered the barn I was met by the farm hand crew.
Donovan ( Tall, skinny, warm smile) Keana, his wife ( short, blonde, sweet smile and welcoming heart)
Travis ( quiet, stern but soft, explained the routines very well to me, very helpful and didn't show any sign of frustration when I asked him to double check my work to make sure I was doing everything to par)
Shari, the big boss woman lol
It's funny, we are only 4 years apart in age, and spent many a years riding, mucking, and swimming together in the evenings after all the work was done. Now, here she is, my boss and mentor once again. I must say, the attributes that annoyed me when we were young carried on into adult hood that created one hell of a boss in her. I think if she would've lost her skill to lack emotion when she needed to, in some sense, she wouldnt have the lucrative operation she has now attained in her 30k dollar horses. I admire her for that, interestingly enough though, my first day she eventually approached me and asked why in the world would I want to do free work? Not gonna lie, I have a bad habit of being honest in times that I probably just need to state my business and move on, or now thinking on it, maybe the emotion is exactly what she was supposed to see. I tried not to cry, but my explanation to her was this, " Because Shari, I lost a part of me that I need my family to know exists" A part of me that's hard to remember, and after being here for just a few hours, it's as though I have extended a hand to that young girl with the free spirit, who was fearless and full of adventure.  
The response from her was not at all what I expected, she looked at me and said, "This place has become too much of a business.  
I could hear the sadness in her voice, and I also realized she too got lost at some point in life.
The next few days were very strenuous on my aging body, but at night? Well, at night when I hit the bed, it was a good hurt. My whole body ached, yet felt so good.
I used to feel this way after working in the hay fields all day. It's a good kinda hurt though, an accomplished hurt.
On week two, I was already pulling my weight with maneuvering all the daily chores, with each passing day my body screamed. One day at the end of week two, Shari yelled for me to bring out Moon.  
Moon is beautiful! She walked side by side with me to the riding ring, Shari motioned me to the middle and handed me the whip.  
She said, do you remember how to do this?  
Lunge you mean? She nodded and I shook my head yes, but in secret, absolute uncertainty. You see I own a horse, but she is 24 and we are not up to specs when it comes to work outs. I just attach the lead and motion her to trot, she responds accordingly. That's it! Nothing fancy, very laid back, and I let her run until she's done.
Not today! As Shari commanded Moon to the extent of the lunge line, she grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me around to keep me in control of Moon while she strided in circles around me. Instructing me to never let the horse take the lead, snap the rope here and there when moons head wasn't being held straight, when command is given don't let her break order. My hands always in control, lead in my left, whip in my right, stay in line with the horses shoulders.  
In that Moment, as Shari pulled and pushed my body to work in exactly the correct posture and position, I didn't know who was actually being trained, I guess both Moon and myself. Lol
After about ten minutes in the ring, Shari took over so I could go help one of the hands on another task, she told me I needed to be more assertive. I was too nice with the horses. They depend on trainers to instruct, and if we are lax, the horse doesn't know it's job, and will take full advantage of every situation.
I said ok like a scolded child, she then apologized for not feeling like she was a good teacher, but I couldn't have disagreed more. I loved the fact that someone knew what they were doing, I'm good with instruction, it was nice to have someone take the time to teach me. She ruffed me around requiring more of me. It was a shock to my system, but I hold the utmost respect that she took the time to show me.
I forgot to mention, on day one there was a farm hand of the smaller sort, a very special one at that! Little Wade, he is eight years old and not that it matters, is Autistic. I view that word as meaning smarter than most with the inability to express that genius. He took right to me that first day. You see his momma is one of the lead trainers at the facility, her name is Randy.
As Randy introduced herself to me that first morning, little Wade came running up, chatting up a storm with me. He asked me in between every chore if I could play hide and seek with him, or Red light Green light.
Randy explained due to the difficult situation with Wade and bullies at school, she had to take him to classes every afternoon just to give him the one on one opportunity to do his school without distractions.  
My heart went out to him, he is a beautiful soul! With every round of the barn, Wade told me stories, full of imagination and wonder.  
He told me I was his rainbow friend.  
I asked what that was and he said, you know, our rainbow crew.  
I don't know actually, but I love rainbows and he was including me in it, so I played along.  
One day, as I was tending to water buckets, I heard Wade enter the barn, he ran to Randy and asked where Crazy Hair was. His mom said who? Wade reiterated, you know...Crazy Hair. To which I heard the first time and was dying laughing next door as I waited for her to also realize who he was referring to.  
Finally it sank in...
Oh my gosh Wade!!! You do not call her that!!!
Her name is Anna!
I couldn't contain my laughter at that point, I stopped her and actually encouraged him to call me that. That name was perfect!!! You see, about three months ago, I was chatting with a friend and was discussing childhood dreams and the things we wanted to be in life when we grew up. Well, I always wanted to be an Indian, now, I know im as white as a cracker. But the thought of riding the plains with my bow and arrows, well..
That is until one day my mom burst that dream, she told me I'm not an Indian, and they no longer ride like that. They all live on reservations and drink.  
I was only 13...good God woman!
Just let me dream!
Anyways, it's not like it was up to the Indians to end up with the future they did.
So, as we laughed, we started picking out Indian names for ourselves based on life experience. I told her she was Bent Twig off of Almost Heroes. Yet, the conversation was interrupted before we could come up with mine.
So....Crazy Hair?
Yes, it was perfect!
Wade knew what was up! 😏
To be continued...